The Gospel of Saint Rilms

[Harke the Apostle]

Nanu: Hemi finished this and did better, off to the archives.


The Gospel of Saint Rilms

Two years after the War of the First Council, a girl was born in Balahn Muhrsin by the name of Redoran-Rilms. Her parents were councilors of House Redoran and pursuers of the Psijic Endeavor. Rilms was their only child, and they wanted to protect her from the other Chosen until she was able to defend herself.
So, Rilms studied the straight ways of the Redoran during the days and the crooked paths of the Prince of Plots at night. Rilms quickly found the codes of the Redoran to be tiresome and forgettable, but she excelled at the schooling of Boethiah.

When she was eight, Rilms decided to put her education to the test. The occasion was a rather acute problem she encountered with her day-time lessons.
The teacher, who taught her during the day, was an elderly widow, who had already tutored two generations of Rilms’s family before her. She instructed her pupils in all manner of useful subjects (that Rilms thought tedious), such as geography, arithmetic and etiquette of the Redoran.
The teacher insisted on discipline, and was ever ready to correct her pupils with a birch twig, which she kept in a vase with water in order to keep it green and pliant.

One day, during a particularly boring geography lesson, Rilms had trouble keeping two cities apart. After the teacher had explained the difference several times, Rilms felt compelled to admit that she wasn’t all that interested in either of the cities, and moreover that the teacher was stupid.
The stern widow wasted no time in pulling out her twig, and giving Rilms the lashing of a lifetime.
Rilms, who would normally protest loudly against such treatment, merely smiled and cooperated with her teacher for the rest of the day.

The next morning, the corpse of her former private teacher was found in the study.
Rilms’s mother flew into a rage and threw her out on the spot.
Just before she slammed the door, she said that Rilms was self-sufficient enough now to go out on her own.

That day, the first that Rilms was outside alone, she had brought her guarskin ball. She wandered around the acropolis' barreled vaults, and decided to play in the stepped hallway to the eastern quarter.
The girl was bouncing her ball on the stairs, when it slipped out of her grasp and rolled haphazardly into the eastern quarter. Cheerfully, Rilms ran after it. When she had arrived at the bottom of the steps, she saw that her toy had rolled onto a bridge of the eastern quarter.

Under the watchful eyes of the Ordinators, she picked up the ball. As she did so, she saw a child dressed in rags looking at the ball with admiration. Going back inside, she asked the nearest Ordinator who the child was and why he had looked at the ball in that way.
The Ordinator said that the child was a pauper from below the bridges and had probably never seen such a toy before. Rilms turned to speak to the child, but he had already gone.

By the time Rilms was twenty, she had become a victor of the Tournament of Ten Bloods and was admired for her aptitude in arcano-politics by friend and foe alike. She spent all her days scheming for the Redoran and plotting against the other Houses.
It seemed almost certain that Redoran-Rilms would one day become a ranking member of her House. However, it was not to be. Due to the circumstances of her time and age, the events would unfold in a markedly different manner.

Rilms grew up in luxury, but the terrible War of the First Council had destroyed much of the countryside, and most of her countrymen were not as fortunate as she. Even Balahn Muhrsin itself had not been spared; a considerable part of the southern quarter had been ruined, and one of the bridges of the eastern quarter had collapsed.
Such was the destruction of the lands, that impoverished commoners from all over the northern coast came to Balahn Muhrsin hoping for the mercy of their masters.

In the wake of the commoners came the missionaries of the Temple. As the commoners camped amongst the ruins, the missionaries preached the sermons of the Tribunes. Beside that the missionaries also gave food and provided free healings. This intrigued Rilms, for although the influence of the Daedra was seen as necessary for the wellbeing of the Dunmer, nothing their worshipers gave was ever for free. Rilms spoke to the missionaries, and subsequently was so moved by the sight of a poor bare-footed girl from the country, that she took off her own shoes and gave them to the girl.

That night Lady Almalexia appeared to her in a dream, saying, "Here is my faithful pilgrim Rilms, who has not yet joined the Temple."
The following day Rilms joined the Temple and set out to undertake the Pilgrimage of the Seven Graces on her bare feet.
After Rilms returned, her worldly parents were very upset and tried vainly to persuade her to denounce her new faith. Rilms, however, remained steadfast and soon rose within the ranks of the Temple, dressing herself up as a beggar to learn humility and aiding the temple by providing alms to the poor.

By the time Rilms was sixty, she had become Canon of the Tribunal Temple, and all of her family had converted to the faith.

Rilms converted many of her countrymen to the new religion, and used her power within House Redoran to amend the cruel and wanton teachings of the Daedra. During the long rebuilding that followed the destruction of the war, Rilms built many temples and monasteries.
By the time Rilms died, every member of her family was ordained as a priest. Boethiah’s statue had been removed from the temple of Balahn Muhrsin, and every effigy of the Daedra in the city had been pulled down and replaced by statues of the Tribunes and their Saints. To this day, the descendants of Rilms and her family remain influential priests in the Tribunal Temple.

[Harke the Apostle]

This is about 50% of the length of what the finished story will be, so please don't correct spelling mistakes or bad sentences yet. (if you must, try any of my other texts in the showcase).

I'll likely detail Blacklight a little more in story, and Rilms might have a run in or two with some Daedra worshippers.

[Sload]

get rid of the dwemer thats not how house dwemer worked and dwemer children dont play ball they play fractal geometry

[Harke the Apostle]

I want to write about the Dwemer.

I'll read up on the Dwemer first* and see if I can make it work. If I can't, the Dwemer will disappear from this story the way they vanished from Tamriel.

* As in all the books from the THE DWEMER and the RED MOUNTAIN / NEREVAR / 6th HOUSE sections in the How To: Become a Lore Buff sticky in the Official Forums.

[Sload]

you'd do better reading what MK has to say and realize that writing anything remotely realistic about the dwemer is beyond you.

"Stories written by them should read as communiqués between an X and Y axis that is tired of planar love poetry. Personal accounts of their wars with the Chimer should seem like Revelations written in computer syntax. Anumidum isn't a Giant Robot to them, but God's Encyclopedia of Amnesia. Or their Automated Hypnogogic Transgression"

[Harke the Apostle]

Let's just hope my computer syntax is up to scratch then.
(expect to update this by the end of the week).

[Harke the Apostle]

[update]

A month later...
(I was too lazy to read the Dwemer stuff, so I read The Poison Song and some books about the Daedra instead).

[Bloodthirsty Crustacean]

Perhaps needs more about her being a beggar for a while? I'm pretty sure (though coul be wrong) that LotS states that she, in addition to being sympatthetic to the poor, also spent a great deal of time among them, living the life and helping out, etc. (rather than becoming 'almighty priest type')

But if that's not specified, this is probably fine storyline wise.

[Nanu]

The italicized text needs to be elaborated on, as it gives a flaw to the young Rilms.

Other than that, this is ready for BoT.

[Harke the Apostle]

[Updated]

How's this?

Perhaps needs more about her being a beggar for a while? I'm pretty sure (though coul be wrong) that LotS states that she, in addition to being sympatthetic to the poor, also spent a great deal of time among them, living the life and helping out, etc. (rather than becoming 'almighty priest type')

But if that's not specified, this is probably fine storyline wise.

This is probably my laziness speaking, but it might actually detract from the story rather than add to it.

[Nanu]

When she was eight, Rilms decided to put her education to the test.

Fine sentence, but you tend to write in sentence-paragraphs like this, and it makes your work seem unprofessional.

The teacher who taught her during the day was an elderly widow who had tutored two generations of Rilms’s family before her. She instructed her pupils in all manner of useful subjects that Rilms thought tedious, such as geography, calculus, and etiquette of the Redoran.

Again, good description. Except for one part. Care to guess? How about the calculus part? Seriously, Harke: how late were you up when you wrote this? Rilms or her tutor could not find the area under a curve or the slope of a tangent line. WHY WOULD SHE CARE?

The teacher insisted on discipline, and was always ready to correct her pupils with a tibrol twig, which she kept in a vase with water in order to keep it green and pliant.

Use another plant that Morrowind players can identify with, please.

One day, during a particularly boring geography lesson, Rilms had trouble keeping Gah Ruhn and Gah Otreleth apart. After the teacher had explained the difference several times, Rilms felt compelled to admit that she wasn’t all that interested in either Gah Ruhn or Gah Otreleth, and moreover that the teacher was stupid.

I wouldn't be specific about what cities they were, as it detracts from the story, just use "two major cities" instead.

The feisty widow wasted no time in pulling out her twig, and giving Rilms’s tender buttocks the lashing of a lifetime.
Rilms, who would normally protest loudly against such treatment, merely smiled and cooperated with her teacher for the rest of the day.

Please cut out the part about Rilms's "tender buttocks," that's unnecessary. "Stern" would work better than "fiesty," also.

The next morning, the corpse of her former private teacher was found in the study.

Following this incident, the parents of Rilms decided that she was self-sufficient enough to go outside without caretakers.

Powerful death, and then the family doesn't care that she killed their teacher? I think they'd kick her out in this case.

___

Good elaboration for the most part, however.

[Harke the Apostle]

Thank you for the review & feedback:

Fine sentence, but you tend to write in sentence-paragraphs like this, and it makes your work seem unprofessional.

I don't pretend to be a pro. I just found out this week how dialogue is punctutated in English. If there is a trick, I'll try to catch on to it somehow.

Again, good description. Except for one part. Care to guess? How about the calculus part? Seriously, Harke: how late were you up when you wrote this? Rilms or her tutor could not find the area under a curve or the slope of a tangent line. WHY WOULD SHE CARE?

It's 0:49 here now, and I just wrote it. I think I meant "arithmatic".

Use another plant that Morrowind players can identify with, please.

Would a birch twig do?

Powerful death, and then the family doesn't care that she killed their teacher? I think they'd kick her out in this case.

Her parents worship Boethiah. Her other family members are strangely un-moved by the teacher's death, probably because they remember the twig. I'll try to write a sentence or two about that.

[edit] I didn't get what you meant the first time. I'll to solve that problem too, I hope.

I'll update the text with your suggestions soon.

[Nanu]

Thanks. Yes, birch will do just fine.

[Harke the Apostle]

[Updated]

Grammar question:

It's Rilms's and Boethiah's because they are possesive singulars of nouns, and Acropolis' is the exception to that rule because because it is a possesive of an ancient proper name ending in -is?

[Bloodthirsty Crustacean]

I'm unsure (not that my opinion really counts, as ever) about the 'killing the teacher' bit here. These are Redoran, and such a grave crime as murder is not likely to just be dealt with by saying 'go play on the streets for a while' and then no more. The shame to her family's honour should perhaps be emphasised. Perhaps she even gets kicked out of town entirely, banished from House Redoran, and then does the whole 'wandering the country as a beggar thing', ending up at the 'sees a priest' bit.

Currently I'm not entirely sure if you present any 'saintly' qualities here. She just seems like a spoilt brat who eventually becomes a high-ranking priest after a while. Perhaps more emphasis needs to go on the 'barefooted pilgrimage', and the time spent among the poor?

More Tribunal intervention might be needed too, as presumably it's them who make people saints. Currently it's just one sentence from 'Lexie saying "you haven't joined the Temple". Not exactly endorsement.

That's all subjective, though, and while I'd like to see it changed, it's not like I can order you around.

One grammar thing currently, this phrase sounds weak to me: "dressing herself up as a poor person". Perhaps "going in the guise of a destitute beggar" or something like that. This is, after all, the key point to her sainthood.

[Harke the Apostle]

I'm unsure (not that my opinion really counts, as ever) about the 'killing the teacher' bit here. These are Redoran, and such a grave crime as murder is not likely to just be dealt with by saying 'go play on the streets for a while' and then no more.

Redoran-Rilms’s parents are cultists of Boethiah, and Boethiah’s cult is all about murder and plots. Mum was cross that Rilms killed the widow, just like my mother would be angry at me if I would have gone joyriding in the family car at age eight, but hardly more. Although, the story doesn’t mention it, the teacher wasn’t a member of House Redoran. She just worked there.

Currently I'm not entirely sure if you present any 'saintly' qualities here.

Ask yourself what kind of people become Saints in the Tribunal Temple.

What happened here was that an upwardly mobile cultist of Boethiah became an upwardly mobile priest of Almalexia. (Boethiah is Lexies’ Anticipation). The more things change, the more things stay the same.

this phrase sounds weak to me: "dressing herself up as a poor person". Perhaps "going in the guise of a destitute beggar" or something like that. This is, after all, the key point to her sainthood.

Changed it.

[Bloodthirsty Crustacean]

Redoran-Rilms’s parents are cultists of Boethiah, and Boethiah’s cult is all about murder and plots.

The rest of the entire city, on the other hand... (not to mention the capital of House Redoran, guarded by Ordinators) ... probably not so keen on a rather blasé murderer in their midst.

But again, these are only my feelings, and if you don't have a problem, I, not having anything to do with Lit, other than being an avid reader, can't exactly force anything on you.

Ask yourself what kind of people become Saints in the Tribunal Temple.

What happened here was that an upwardly mobile cultist of Boethiah became an upwardly mobile priest of Almalexia. (Boethiah is Lexies’ Anticipation). The more things change, the more things stay the same.

Why aren't all these other priests Saints? The way I see it, there has to be something that marks these people out (at the least an endorsement from the Tribunes, which, like I say, Rilms certainly doesn't get here), and in Rilms' case it's fairly expicitly stated that her big 'thing' was the time spent among the poor, and the events that led to her nickname being "the Barefooted".

In this story, those elements are kinda skimmed over, and the focus is on 'she was a follower of Boethiah, who became a succesful priest'. And like I say, there were probably quite a few of those, and nothing is ever said about them.

[Harke the Apostle]

The rest of the entire city, on the other hand... (not to mention the capital of House Redoran, guarded by Ordinators) ... probably not so keen on a rather blasé murderer in their midst.

Who said the people ever found out?
Boethiah is supposed to be the Prince of Plots. People who scheme do not normally disclose their plans to the next person.

Why aren't all these other priests Saints? The way I see it, there has to be something that marks these people out.

She was their best schemer and she came at the right moment. Those other priests didn't, or weren't as good at politics. She was called by Lexie and arguably a favorite of Boethiah's.

[Bloodthirsty Crustacean]

Who said the people ever found out?
Boethiah is supposed to be the Prince of Plots. People who scheme do not normally disclose their plans to the next person.

I was going to say that perhaps the now teacher-less school children might launch a bit of an enquiry, but re-reading, I noticed that you do actually (once) mention that Rilms is getting private tutorial. The way you go on about "pupils" etc. makes it seem like it's a public class, as there's only the one reference to the 'private' nature of the lessons, at the very last mention.

Okay; fair enough, though I (as a Redoran fan) would like to think that Councillors would have more honour. But your book, your characters.

She was their best schemer and she came at the right moment. Those other priests didn't, or weren't as good at politics. She was called by Lexie and arguably a favorite of Boethiah's.

But that's not what Rilms is about. This'd be a fine story for Llothis or whoever, but Rilms has a fairly defined 'background to sainthood', that really (perhaps just IMO) ought to be emphasised.

Still, if this is how you want it, then go for it, but I would suggest that the 'called by Lexie' be more than Ayem just saying "you're not a member of the Temple" and then buggering off, which really doesn't suggest any special relationship. Nor is there any hint that she's a favourite of Boethiah's, just that she offed her teacher. - EDIT: Scratch that, we do get such mentions, but are 'barbaric' practises such as the TTB a] supposed to be regular and just 'on offer' to Boethiah worshippers, or b] endorsed by the Temple in any way?

[Harke the Apostle]

I was going to say that perhaps the now teacher-less school children might launch a bit of an enquiry, but re-reading, I noticed that you do actually (once) mention that Rilms is getting private tutorial. The way you go on about "pupils" etc. makes it seem like it's a public class, as there's only the one reference to the 'private' nature of the lessons, at the very last mention.

I'd imagine that the ranking members of the Redoran would prefer to let a private teacher educate their children.
Wether she was teaching only Rilms, or a few other Redoran children as well doesn't matter much.
If the other children guessed who killed the teacher, they had two very good reasons to keep their little mouths shut 1). they weren't particularly sorry the widow died 2). they were afraid they might be next on the list.

Okay; fair enough, though I (as a Redoran fan) would like to think that Councillors would have more honour.

Remember, it was almost 3 1/2 millenia before the Neverevarine came along, and at the time of the story the statement "Redoran's duty is first to the Tribunal Temple"(The True Noble's Code) would be something along the lines of the "Redoran's duty is first to the Daedra" (notably Boethiah).

[Hemitheon]

Is it just me or this story entirely different from when I first read it

[Harke the Apostle]

Is it just me or this story entirely different from when I first read it

get rid of the dwemer thats not how house dwemer worked and dwemer children dont play ball they play fractal geometry

[Hemitheon]

Beginning reads too plainly and not like a story. This isn't an encyclopedia entry

maybe use Dunmer names for stuff, like Blacklight

word choice: matriculation

The italics reads like the Poison Song.

What lesson can be learned from her killing her teacher? Boethiah's sphere is different in regards to her cherished people, the Dunmer. To them she isn't the Prince of Murder, she is the Prince of Righteous Murder, the Slayer of the Wicked and Blasphemous. This is one reason she is one of the favored Daedra. She protects the Dunmer. This is the aspect that Almalexia takes on after the Apotheosis. In its form now, you are saying that Almalexia is in fact a blasphemer, a murderess and a villain.

acropolis should not be capitalized as it is not the name of the place, is it?

tautologous and tedious references to her ball-playing

a child is not an "IT" use he or she

explain that the missionaries are not there to convert but to announce the coming of ALMSIVI

refer to the who is doing the destruction. In this case, it is the Nords spilling over the Valus Mountains and through the mountain pass.

[Harke the Apostle]

I'll update the story later.

Backtalk:

maybe use Dunmer names for stuff, like Blacklight

Does it have a Dunmer name? (that TR uses).

word choice: matriculation

Do you have a better suggestion? I need an alternative to education.

The italics reads like the Poison Song.

Is that bad?

What lesson can be learned from her killing her teacher? Boethiah's sphere is different in regards to her cherished people, the Dunmer.

That the Dunmer children were like The Children of the Corn, and it's a good thing ALMSIVI came along?

In its form now, you are saying that Almalexia is in fact a blasphemer, a murderess and a villain.

Almalexia is by definition 'good'. It's her religion, after all.

acropolis should not be capitalized as it is not the name of the place, is it?

That depends. It's meant to be the center of Blacklight as in kebra's former claim.

explain that the missionaries are not there to convert but to announce the coming of ALMSIVI

I'm not convinced (yet) that interpretation of the Lore is accurate.

refer to the who is doing the destruction. In this case, it is the Nords spilling over the Valus Mountains and through the mountain pass.

When I wrote this, I had in mind that, although the Dwemer were gone, the countryside was not restored to its former productivity until decades after the War of the first council.
I'll look that up and change it (if it is correct). If you have some links handy it would greatly help me.

[Gez]

Does it have a Dunmer name? (that TR uses).

Yeah, and it's awful. Something like Baleenmujihn or whatever, I've blotted it out of my memory. Keep Blacklight. The TR Dunmer dictionary is handy sometimes, but a lot of the words there are shit.

[Harke the Apostle]

Thank you for posting that information Baleenmujihn sounds very sucky.

[Gez]

Thank you for posting that information Baleenmujihn sounds very sucky.

Balahnmuhrsin, I've actually checked out the dictionary in order to type a rant, which I'm going to post because I have typed it even though you're already convinced.

Also of note: the major cities from the Arena era are Blacklight, Mournhold, Ebonheart, Firewatch, Tear, Kragenmoor, Necrom and Narsis. Tell me, what's the common point of them all? They've kept their names unchanged, yes, exactly! Even if Mournhold was retconned into being the inner city of Almalexia, and a few major cities (Vivec, Port Telvannis, and in a way Sotha Sil) have been added since; Blacklight should be Blacklight because Ebonheart is Ebonheart, because Firewatch is Firewatch, because Mournhold is Mournhold, because Tear is Tear...

Certainly, we haven't named Old Ebonheart "Ald Balahndaelkhun", we haven't named Firewatch "Molagdoldig", and we shouldn't name Blacklight "Balahnmuhrsin" either. That's just my opinion, though. It's ugly, and it doesn't even look Dunmeri. Compare with Ald'ruhn, Sadrith-Mora, Hlaalo, or Llervu -- to take a few official Dunmeri names of places and people -- they don't look or sound like these abominations.

[Harke the Apostle]

kebra even used "Black Light".

[Hemitheon]

Yes but what does Firewatch and Old Ebonheart have in common that Black Light does not. They are Imperial cities whereas Black Light is now a Velothi city thanks to Kebra. We did however change Dragon Glade into Akamora, Stonewood was transformed into Balmora, etc.

Personally I think Balahn Muhrsin sounds wonderful

[Haplo]

There is a fair chance of us implementing Blacklight's Dunmeri name in the game, either locally or as the official name. A fair chance meaning it could still go either way.

[Sload]

Personally I think Balahn Muhrsin sounds wonderful

I think it sounds retarded.

[Gez]

Yes but what does Firewatch and Old Ebonheart have in common that Black Light does not. They are Imperial cities whereas Black Light is now a Velothi city thanks to Kebra.

And Mournhold is totally Imperial, too. Plus, we've renamed Necrom into Cahrdm because it's Velothi, right?

Dragon Glade, Stoneforest, and co., nobody cares about them, they're hamlets and villages on the Arena map. I'm talking about the cities.

[Harke the Apostle]

[updated]

Used most of your suggestions, Hemi.
I called the place Balahn Muhrsin

[Harke the Apostle]

[a few minor alterations in choice of words]

This has been done for a month and a half. It only needs a final review and correction.

[Nanu]

I personally think that all of the gospels need to be obscurified. While grammatically correct, the flow of this book is short and choppy. If we could make it a bit more pleasing to read while adding in double meanings, I think we could do a lot for it.

[Harke the Apostle]

I'm all for double entendres in religious writing.

If you could give a specific example of how you would improve the flow, I'll rework the text that way. (Just so I understand you).

[Bloodthirsty Crustacean]

Remember that Blacklight's name has changed to a new Dunmer one now.

(And I still think Rilms isn't saintly enough, but whatev.)

[Harke the Apostle]

[updated]

Used most of your suggestions, Hemi.
I called the place Balahn Muhrsin

[Bloodthirsty Crustacean]

But Sload called it Baan Malur or somesuch awesome-sauce name, so that 1-ups the old crappy Balahn Muhrsiin.

[Nanu]

Please don't try and emulate the sermons, but that's the double meanings that I'm talking about. See Lud's gospel.

And I like what BC and Sload said.