A Tattered Journal [Needs Grammar And Lore Check]

Andres Indoril · Post by **Andres Indoril** » Sun Jul 13, 2008 5:35 pm

*Clears Throat.*

Ringleader of the Order of the Eastern Egg wrote:Morndas, I think...
Been away from civilization long enough not to remember what day it is... This happens a little bit too often. Luckily for us, this cave seems to have been cleared out before. The only opposition we got was a rat. It had somehow slain the famous adventurer called Mobdul gro-Nubrom. The guy was wearing a full set of daedric armor and an enchanted daedric blade. This is rather ridiculous. The guy was so well equipped, yet he got slain by a scrib-sucking rat. I have never seen anything like this before and I have seen guards dancing with vampires in graveyards, while they were all licking skooma! I am forced to write this in awe. One could believe that he was out of healing potions and thought that he could handle that one last rat, before taking a rest, but no - he had dozens of potions. He also had enough septims on him to keep the city of Almalexia fed for an era. We have decided to turn that chamber into a treasury room, because it is easier to place the things around in there, than to drag the loot wherever we would have decided to store it. If this journal should ever make it into the hands of someone who would find the treasure of any use, I shall mention that the treasury is now located on the right path from the cave entrance. The left path takes one to a beautiful view of waterfalls and such below the river. Might also be an interesting sight. The path across the entrance would lead to some of my personal guards and then to my chamber. I do not regret claiming this cave as our base of operations. Soon, the Order Of The Eastern Egg, shall reign supreme above the other bandit groups.

Tirdas, if yesterday was Morndas that is.
It is my second day of keeping a journal. And I have absolutely nothing to write....

Middas, if yesterday was Tirdas and the day before was Morndas.
I think I heard something crack somewhere, but I have no clue what it might have been.

Turdas, if yesterday was Middas, the day before was Tirdas and the day before that was Morndas.
The path to the waterfalls collapsed. Many of our bandits were currently there and are bound to starve to death. I think I just heard more rocks move and -

End Of Book.
This is rather ridiculous, is it not?

I am proud of it. In game spam, if I may say so myself. Stunning. My book certainly sucks! There be no competition.
Some fixxings done now.

Harke the Apostle · Post by **Harke the Apostle** » Sun Jul 13, 2008 6:38 pm

BS seems fine to me. Is this going in an int?

Thrignar Fraxix · Post by **Thrignar Fraxix** » Sun Jul 13, 2008 7:03 pm

Andres asked me to take a look at this. I have nothing to say besides what N already did on the IRC channel, which is that you need to fix the worst of the names. Where do you think you are going to put this I have to wonder.

I of course know nothing about lit editing so that still needs to be done.

Nanu · Post by **Nanu** » Sun Jul 13, 2008 7:23 pm

Joe the Orc? The writing is okay, seeing as it's a journal, but the town of Joe? Is that a placeholder?

Post by **Haplo** » Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:31 pm

No it's not but we already told him to change it three times on IRC.

Nanu · Post by **Nanu** » Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:48 pm

The join now page wrote:If you plan to build the 'Town of Joe' and appoint your character, Joe the Orc, as its ruler, this is most likely not the project for you.

No really, it needs changed.

Of course, if this is a really well hidden easter egg, then we're all good. Just hide it well.

Andres Indoril · Post by **Andres Indoril** » Mon Jul 14, 2008 1:21 am

Would appreciate if someone would make a list of what N said on IRC, because I really do not remember

Fixed the name though. No blatant easter eggs in the name now. I think at least...

Oh, and it is for [url=http://tamriel-rebuilt.org/old_forum/viewtopic.php?p=228014]i3-542[/url], I wanted to fit that into the thread title first, but I could not have requested a BS check then.

Andres Indoril · Post by **Andres Indoril** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 3:29 pm

Can I has a consider this a finished?

Harke the Apostle · Post by **Harke the Apostle** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 3:46 pm

It still has a few minor spelling issues -which may or may not be important- and I think it's 'Morndas' not 'Mondas'.

I'll post a version with my recommendations shortly.

gro-Dhal · Post by **gro-Dhal** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 3:54 pm

I'm pretty sure Mondas is the homeworld of the Cybermen.

Nanu · Post by **Nanu** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 4:10 pm

Just change the spelling like Harke said and it's finished.

Andres Indoril · Post by **Andres Indoril** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 4:12 pm

It is the only one?

I think I will wait for that recommendation thingy.

Harke the Apostle · Post by **Harke the Apostle** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 4:59 pm

Journal of the Robber-Knight

Morndas, I think...

Been away from civilization long enough that I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t remember what day it is... this has happened to us too many times before.

Fortunately, this cave seems to have been cleared out before we arrived here. The only opposition we met was a rat. It had somehow slain the famous adventurer called Mobdul gro-Nubrom. Mobdul was wearing a full set of daedric armor and an enchanted daedric blade. It was a rather ridiculous sight. He was so well equipped, yet he got slain by a scrib-sucking rat.

I have never seen anything like this before - and I have seen guards waltzing with vampires in graveyards, while sundry dancers were puffing skooma! I am forced to write this in awe. One could believe that he was out of healing potions and thought that he could handle that one rat before taking a rest, but no - he had dozens of potions. He also had enough septims on him to feed the city of Almalexia for a year. We have decided to turn that chamber into a treasure chamber, because it is easier to leave the loot there, rather than to drag it the Tribunal-knows/ Aedra-know-where first.

Should this journal ever make it into the hands of one who would find the treasure of any use, I shall mention that the treasury is now located on the right path from the cave entrance. The left path takes one to a beautiful view of waterfalls and such below the river. That might also be an interesting sight. The path across from the entrance would lead to some of my personal guards and then to my chamber. I do not regret claiming this cave as our base of operations. Soon, the Order Of The Cockatrice shall reign supreme over the other robber-knights.

Tirdas,
if yesterday was Morndas that is.
It is my second day of keeping a journal. And I have absolutely nothing to write....

Middas,
if yesterday was Tirdas and the day before was Mondas.
I heard a loud crack somewhere, but I have no clue what it might have been.

Turdas,
if yesterday was Middas, the day before was Tirdas and the day before that was Morndas.

The path to the waterfalls collapsed. Many of our knights were outside and will starve to death if they donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t find a way out. I think I just heard more rocks move and____

Thrignar Fraxix · Post by **Thrignar Fraxix** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 5:02 pm

just to be sure, this is going on a table next to a giant pointy rock stuck point down into the ground with bones and possibly a chair leg sticking out from under it right?

Andres Indoril · Post by **Andres Indoril** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 5:20 pm

Fixed the typo, thank the Harke he noticed it, but Harke's version sounds too much as a good writer had written it. That's a no no.

And no, it is going to be underneath the hand of a skeleton, who has only his arm not below a pile of rocks. Poor fellow.

Harke the Apostle · Post by **Harke the Apostle** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 5:25 pm

Andres Indoril wrote:It is the only one?
I think I will wait for that recommendation thingy.

I didn't highlight the changes (because I made many and it would take longer to highlight them than it took me to correct them). You should read my version. I changed a few things. for instance, why do you call a gang of bandits The Order Of the eastern Egg? (Apart from IMHO the name sucking) it makes no sense unless the ringleader imagines himself to be a knight. (that why I changed that in the text).

What do you think?

Andres Indoril · Post by **Andres Indoril** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 5:38 pm

He is just a loony, clears everything up.

I think I might rewrite it though, it does have some errors in the context....
Oh, well, perhaps when I am not sleepy.

Archive this or a major part of it's content.