UPDATED*** May 10, 2009
Okay, so previous to this, I had applied for the literature section... it looks like you guys were good for that, so I decided that I would try my hand at questing.
Three or four days ago I started creating my first quest for Morrowind. I suppose it was a little ambitious for a first quest, but I was able to pull it off, and after extensive testing, dialogue checking, I think it turned out pretty well.
It's not too long, and has two endings. Oh, and as a warning, you probably can't beat the "evil" way with a weak character.
Here are some problems I have with quest:
I read a little too late that I was supposed to put all the normal greetings in Greeting 5, not 1. For any new quest, I would put the greetings in 5.
Not too sure about this dirty cell thing. When I was cleaning everything in TESAME, I couldn't make the cells clean without deleting my characters... I'm a little clueless about what to do.
Anyway, other than those two issues, this quest should be smooth sailing.
*To start the quest, talk to Rashnir Bleni, a Dark Elf noble in that place in Balmora... just above all the merchants, by the two guard towers, and around all those Hlaalu mansions.
SpartanPride's Showcase *UPDATED
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SpartanPride
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SpartanPride's Showcase *UPDATED
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Last edited by SpartanPride on Mon May 11, 2009 4:18 am, edited 2 times in total.
Watch me as I cut myself wide open on this stage, yes I am paid to spill my guts ~ Brand New
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SpartanPride
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SpartanPride
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Lady Nerevar
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SpartanPride
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Okay - thank youLady Nerevar wrote:this is a quest right? i'd send a PM to one of the quest people (maybe Bloodthirsty Crustacean, Stryker, or theViking), as they are most qualified to look at this. sorry for the wait
Watch me as I cut myself wide open on this stage, yes I am paid to spill my guts ~ Brand New
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MMMowSkwoz
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Review time.
Dialogue
General:
You use too many topics. For a short quest like this, two should be more than adequate. I think this could be done with "lost ship" and "Rashnir".
Greeting 1:
You've noted that you know you shouldn't have used Greeting 1, but if you do, never place any entries above "[You have failed your Oath of Silence]". Similarly, TR has greetings which must stay at the top of Greeting 5.
"Am I ever" sounds odd in Morrowind
"My shipped crashed here..." should be "My ship crashed here."
didn't go as planned:
No need to Set Disposition when they attack you
'Will' shouldn't be capitalised
Don't use hyphens - a semi-colon or comma would be more appropriate (yes, I know I just used one in exactly the way I'm asking you not to
)
"I will be able to teach you skills most on that island will not be able to teach" could do with being phrased slightly better
The entry "Thank you again for recovering our embezzled funds." should not be in your topic, please clean it out.
I'm not a huge fan of the trailing "..." - it looks a bit cheesy if you overuse it.
right thing:
"I had overheard" would sound better as "I'd overheard" or "I overheard"
Hyphen thing again - use a comma instead
"thank you" doesn't need hyphenating, also you could drop the comma after it
distracted:
again with the hyphen usage
"disctracted" typo
crashed here:
"I'm a simple living Nord who always try to do the right thing!" should be "I'm a simple Nord who always tries to do the right thing."?
lost at sea:
again with the hyphen thing
in a results box, you have ( player->additem "gold_100",2000 ) which is slightly dodgy syntax. Go with either ( player->additem "gold_100" 2000 ) or ( player->additem, "gold_100", 2000 )
Journal
Please put them in index order for ease of reading
"preforming" typo
"shorel" typo
World/Objects
The cells Fort Frostmoth (-22,17), Bitter Coast Region (-5,-8), and Balmora (-4,-2) are marked as modified, but nothing is changed. Clean with TESAME please.
There is already a Nord named Haakon. Try not to duplicate names.
For a showcase, please clearly label all objects and scripts you create with a prefix to help find them
Scripts
General:
There is no need to place the script name after the End command (although it does no harm either)
Haakon:
Please use the standard indentation - it makes scripts far easier to read
There are two extra 'endif' commands that are not needed
You do not need the "Tr_haakonn"-> prefix if the script is placed on that NPC
If I enter the cell before the journal has reached 70, he will be disabled and never enabled, although this is not a issue because of (*)
If I enter the cell for the first timer after the journal reaches 70, the NPC is enabled for every frame after that because doOnce is never set to 1
You do not need the "Tr_haakonn"-> prefix if the script is placed on that NPC
(*)The enabling of "tr_haakonn" is dupliated by your dialogue results box
Haakondead:
Good, I'm glad to see you don't give the journal update unless the quest has started - an easy one to forget
Rashnirdead:
The journal entry with index 70 mentions Haakon, but it is possible for the quest to have started and the player to have killed Rashnir without ever having known about Haakon. Better to have the first if statement as
if ( GetJournalIndex "Tr_Rashnir" >= 25 )
Quest - General
I'd like the option to refuse the quest when initially given it
Haakon brings up the topic Solstheim, which Bethesda were lazy about filtering, so you need to give him a more appropriate entry - currently he's insulting his home
This may seem like a lot of errors, but I'm a picky bastard. I think really you need to work on scripting a little, to address the things I wrote above but also to be a little more adventurous - most TR quests will require some scripting, and not just journal updates and enable/disable stuff. I'd be happy for you to either improve this quest or start over. It's a good start, and with some attention to detail you could be promoted for the next file
.
Dialogue
General:
You use too many topics. For a short quest like this, two should be more than adequate. I think this could be done with "lost ship" and "Rashnir".
Greeting 1:
You've noted that you know you shouldn't have used Greeting 1, but if you do, never place any entries above "[You have failed your Oath of Silence]". Similarly, TR has greetings which must stay at the top of Greeting 5.
"Am I ever" sounds odd in Morrowind
"My shipped crashed here..." should be "My ship crashed here."
didn't go as planned:
No need to Set Disposition when they attack you
'Will' shouldn't be capitalised
Don't use hyphens - a semi-colon or comma would be more appropriate (yes, I know I just used one in exactly the way I'm asking you not to
)"I will be able to teach you skills most on that island will not be able to teach" could do with being phrased slightly better
The entry "Thank you again for recovering our embezzled funds." should not be in your topic, please clean it out.
I'm not a huge fan of the trailing "..." - it looks a bit cheesy if you overuse it.
right thing:
"I had overheard" would sound better as "I'd overheard" or "I overheard"
Hyphen thing again - use a comma instead
"thank you" doesn't need hyphenating, also you could drop the comma after it
distracted:
again with the hyphen usage
"disctracted" typo
crashed here:
"I'm a simple living Nord who always try to do the right thing!" should be "I'm a simple Nord who always tries to do the right thing."?
lost at sea:
again with the hyphen thing
in a results box, you have ( player->additem "gold_100",2000 ) which is slightly dodgy syntax. Go with either ( player->additem "gold_100" 2000 ) or ( player->additem, "gold_100", 2000 )
Journal
Please put them in index order for ease of reading
"preforming" typo
"shorel" typo
World/Objects
The cells Fort Frostmoth (-22,17), Bitter Coast Region (-5,-8), and Balmora (-4,-2) are marked as modified, but nothing is changed. Clean with TESAME please.
There is already a Nord named Haakon. Try not to duplicate names.
For a showcase, please clearly label all objects and scripts you create with a prefix to help find them
Scripts
General:
There is no need to place the script name after the End command (although it does no harm either)
Haakon:
Please use the standard indentation - it makes scripts far easier to read
There are two extra 'endif' commands that are not needed
You do not need the "Tr_haakonn"-> prefix if the script is placed on that NPC
If I enter the cell before the journal has reached 70, he will be disabled and never enabled, although this is not a issue because of (*)
If I enter the cell for the first timer after the journal reaches 70, the NPC is enabled for every frame after that because doOnce is never set to 1
You do not need the "Tr_haakonn"-> prefix if the script is placed on that NPC
(*)The enabling of "tr_haakonn" is dupliated by your dialogue results box
Haakondead:
Good, I'm glad to see you don't give the journal update unless the quest has started - an easy one to forget
Rashnirdead:
The journal entry with index 70 mentions Haakon, but it is possible for the quest to have started and the player to have killed Rashnir without ever having known about Haakon. Better to have the first if statement as
if ( GetJournalIndex "Tr_Rashnir" >= 25 )
Quest - General
I'd like the option to refuse the quest when initially given it
Haakon brings up the topic Solstheim, which Bethesda were lazy about filtering, so you need to give him a more appropriate entry - currently he's insulting his home
This may seem like a lot of errors, but I'm a picky bastard. I think really you need to work on scripting a little, to address the things I wrote above but also to be a little more adventurous - most TR quests will require some scripting, and not just journal updates and enable/disable stuff. I'd be happy for you to either improve this quest or start over. It's a good start, and with some attention to detail you could be promoted for the next file
.MaMeeshkaMowSkwoz - choose your syllables
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SpartanPride
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- Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2009 5:44 am
Sweet, man. Thanks for reviewing
I've already fixed some of the mistakes you've mentioned, but yeah, I'll change it.
Scripting is tough for me...
I actually think I will just make a new quest for my next showcase. I'll try and think of something a little more complicated to do.
I had actually created a response for Haakon about his homeland, but it wouldn't work unless it was on top of the list for some reason. Oh well, it was bad dialogue anyway.
I've already fixed some of the mistakes you've mentioned, but yeah, I'll change it.
Scripting is tough for me...
I actually think I will just make a new quest for my next showcase. I'll try and think of something a little more complicated to do.
I had actually created a response for Haakon about his homeland, but it wouldn't work unless it was on top of the list for some reason. Oh well, it was bad dialogue anyway.
Watch me as I cut myself wide open on this stage, yes I am paid to spill my guts ~ Brand New