Writing Request/Review Thread for Claims

[Bloodthirsty Crustacean]

Surely the Temple wouldn't leave instructions for housekeepers in its 'museum script'?

I'd also maybe consider revising the whole 'rogue Dunmer' thing, it's a slightly confusing and unrelated story. The whole text could probably do with 'holy relic-ing up' a bit more than at present.

How about:

These plants and rocks were retrieved from the Argon Jungle at the height of the war, a prize from the heart of the territory reclaimed from the heathen. It took nearly two weeks to convey them to the Holy City due to their size and weight, but the victorious warriors did not shirk their burden, in order to memorialise the success of their fallen brothers. These plants can only survive in a hot, humid climate, and great care is taken to preserve these trophies of our victory in Morrowind's less extreme climes.

[Haplo]

That's fine; I don't know what these texts are for, I'm just trying to proofread them.

[blackbird]

Those texts are needed for i2-410-Tri. That claim is a shrine whee people commemorate or at least pay their respects for the Dunmer victims fallen during the Arnesian war.

BC: I really like your text.

[blackbird]

/me pokes nanu or haplo to a further review of my texts. Anyway the text should be pro Temple.

[Bloodthirsty Crustacean]

These plants and rocks were retrieved from the Argon Jungle at the height of the war, a prize from the heart of the territory reclaimed from the heathen. It took nearly two weeks to convey them to the Holy City due to their size and weight, but the victorious warriors did not shirk their burden, in order to memorialise the success of their fallen brothers. These plants can only survive in a hot, humid climate, and great care is taken to preserve these trophies of our victory in Morrowind's less extreme climes.

This suit of armor belonged to Giladis Rothaban who was slain in the Argonian borderlands during the Arnesian War. Giladis Rothaban was born in Silnim and was a proud servant-at-arms of Great House Dres. At the height of the war effort he helped quell the uprisings of Argonian slaves in Dres plantations and was commended for services to our nation. Towards the end of the war, Giladis Rothaban helped lead a detachment of warriors in battle against our heathen foe. At the peak of his victory, however, the proud warrior of Dres was brought low by Argonian poisons in a fierce battle. Our warriors did not leave his sacrifice in vain, however, and the proud soldiers of Great House Indoril and Dres overran the enemy encampment and secured the final and greatest victory of the war. The family of Giladis Rothaban agreed that his ashes might be brought here to Necrom to serve as a memorial to all those brave Dunmeri warriors who fought and died for the Tribunate during the Arnesian War.

These slave bracers were a gift of Indoril Drelom Erethan, the owner of the Erethan plantation. They were taken from the corpse of the leader of a slave revolt in Indoril territory, and are displayed here at Necrom to remind true Dunmer of their need to be ever wary against the threats even of those believed subdued. Always must we be on our guard, ready to strike down without mercy those who threaten our homeland and traditions.

There two skulls belong to the Argonian heathen shamans who inspired and led the Argonian assaults on our homeland. The first was captured at the battle of Han Hloadal by the stern warriors of Great House Redoran, but the second would not be killed until the last days of the war by the skilled hunters of Great House Dres. Until the last, these barbarian shamans refused to submit to the blades of the Dunmer, and so they have been brought here, as a symbol and sign of the ultimate victory won by the Dunmer of Morrowind in the Arnesian War.

The armor set lying on this table belonged once to Fendel Giretha. A common mer of low birth, he lived an inconspicuous life as a petty commoner and criminal in the city of Almalexia. When at last confronted with the reality of his crimes and brought to justice, Fendel Giretha rediscovered through the priest who ministered to him the glory of Almsivi. Awed by the tale of Saint Roris, martyred by the heathen Argonians, Fendel Giretha swore to devote his life similarly to the sword-service of the blessed Tribunal. Reclaiming his honor, Fendel Giretha became a retainer of the Great House Indoril, and served that House as a scout in Argonia. At the crucial battle of Arl Shilpan, the scout was the first to raise the alarm as the heathen war chief Itei-dar attacked the camp at the night. Fendel Giretha was slain fighting the heathen, who overwhelmed his novice blade, but was avenged thousandfold by the proud warriors of Great House Indoril. It is to honour their sacrifice and the inspiration of such a lowly mer that Fendel Giretha's armor is here preserved as a relic of the war.

The origins of the Hist armor lying on the table are unknown. It's not clear if this armor was worn during the Arnesian war or if the armor was simply acquired from another Argonian. It was donated to the Necrom shrine after the dispersal of the collection of Nyras Dobar, on his death. His daughter presented the armor to this shrine because such armors were used by the high-caste Argonians during the war.


Tweaked and changed and cut out some of the stories, hope you don't mind. I personally find this bunch more concise and simple in getting the point across.

[blackbird]

Thank you for reviewing, correcting and rewriting those texts BC!

[Yeti]

I'd like to request a menu for my restraunt claim, if that's okay. Just a list of 10 or so fancy, Morrowind sounding, meals.

[Thrignar Fraxix]

There is no other restaurant in the province with this, so I'm going to say no.

[Hemitheon]

Could someone check over this for me?


<DIV ALIGN="CENTER"><FONT COLOR="000000" SIZE="3" FACE="Magic Cards"><BR>
The Second Book of Lamentations<BR>
<BR><BR>
<DIV ALIGN="LEFT"><BR><BR>

The Battle of Asuilda-Evor<BR>
<BR>
On the fourth day of Sun's Height 2920, the Imperial forces of Reman the tyrant crossed the Valus-Velothi Mountains and assaulted the palace of Asuilda-Evor, home of Councilor Travelso of House Redoran. The brutal attack left a scar upon the face of the mountains, a black scorch from the burnings and countless dead left desecrated or brutalized beyond recognition. The Cyrods attacked with such savagery that Morrowind will never forget the suffering nor the cries which still are heard among the mountain's winds. Let us remember our families and kinsmen with dignity and honor. Their sacrifice will be remembered eternally.<BR>
<BR>
The Battle of Kragenmoor<BR>
<BR>
Two days after the fall of Asuilda-Evor, the forces of Reman under General Martin Archtevio invaded and vandalized the glorious city of Kragenmoor, a citadel upon the mountains. Those who fled were lucky. Those who remained suffered and endured for the sake of Morrowind, hoping that the lands of Resdayn would remain ever free from the iron fists of the Cyrodic Empire. When Ayem reached the city, naught was left but the ashes of the dead. With her tears she made clay of their ashes from which was cast with a single premonition the statue of Ayem reaching out towards her people with sword in hand to fend off the brutal and savage westerners. May this sacred gift remain ever with us that we might remember not only the sufferings of our Hlaalu brethren but also of the agony that Mother Ayem felt at seeing the senseless murder of her children and faithful.<BR>
<BR>
General Silendai<BR>
<BR>
Atop the Velothi Mountains once stood the mighty castle of Vor in which resided the Lord of the High Council of Morrowind. When Asuilda-Evor fell, so did the mountain hall of Vor. Yet, far from the western mountains, General Silendai, servant of Ayem, awoke from such a premonition of Vor's failing that he rode all morning and night towards the doomed hall. Though his skylamp, Hesudenah moaned for breath and rest, the general strove onward towards his destiny. Upon his arrival, he saw the failing walls of the fortress, the insidious Cyrods circling the palace as alits or nix hounds. With his mighty sword, he sliced through their numbers to reach the Councillor who sat dead upon his throne. At the very sight, his strength collapsed for he had failed. Yet, the goddess Ayem came to him and offered her strength and her faith. He stood up, took up his sword and warder and defeated the two hundred and twelve men sent by Reman to weaken the spirit of Morrowind. What the Empire did not understand was that Morrowind's spirit cannot be broken. It remains eternal as does its sacred Tribunal, whose destiny is ten times that of Reman's futile Empire.<BR>

[Nanu]

Your post was edited, it should be fine now. I understand the tone you were going for, but it makes for some serious run-ons. :p

[Sload]

"Reman" is not an adjective.

[Nanu]

You could refer to Napoleon's forces as Napoleonic forces. Remanic sounds a bit strange, but I suppose it would work. It reads fine as it is. I'd say that's about the only judge seeing as it's sort of made up.

[Bloodthirsty Crustacean]

Would the Dunmer call the Velothi Mountains the 'Valus-Velothi Mountains'? They almost certainly wouldn't call Almalexia Ayem. Is naming the skylamp necessary? Doesn't Asuilda-Evor sound more Oblivion Ayleid than Dunmer? And Nanu, you missed 'kindgom'.

I like it, though.

[Praedator]

You could refer to Napoleon's forces as Napoleonic forces. Remanic sounds a bit strange, but I suppose it would work. It reads fine as it is. I'd say that's about the only judge seeing as it's sort of made up.

Why not Remanian, Remanu, Remanni or Remani?

[Sload]

ignoring the idiotic post above mine

Would the Dunmer call the Velothi Mountains the 'Valus-Velothi Mountains'? They almost certainly wouldn't call Almalexia Ayem. Is naming the skylamp necessary? Doesn't Asuilda-Evor sound more Oblivion Ayleid than Dunmer? And Nanu, you missed 'kindgom'.

I like it, though.

The only statement here that i can disagree with is the last one.

I'll repeat, in case I wasn't clear the first time: Reman is not an adjective. Further, "Napoleonic" is used to describe things in reference to the wars and era that bear the man's name; troops on both sides of the conflict are "Napoleonic," the word does not signify that they serve under Napoleon. Similarly, anyone stupidly adopting this style of naming for Reman's period (made even stupider by this being the least interesting of the three Remans) would be unwise to try to distinguish one side of the forces as a "Reman" army, because they are both "Reman" armies, no matter how horrible an idea that is.

And no, for fuck's sake, it doesn't "read well." It reads like they're troops from the land of Rema or some stupid bullshit. Reman is a name and a name with meaning, don't fuck it up like this. And don't disagree with me unless you have an inkling of what you're talking about, which we both know you don't in the case of lore.

[Hemitheon]

(in case you hadnt noticed I fixed that already)

I'll change the battle name because I kinda thought that too

And arent the Tribunal called Vehk, Seht, and Ayem by the people?

[Sload]

Can you find an example of them being called that at all outside the Sermons?

(hint: there are none)

[blackbird]

The dialogues (I've played that game too much) never mention about Vehk or Ayem, but about Vivec or Almalexia.
The only thing we could argue about is how Vivec and Almalexia were named during the period of Reman's invasion and the 80 year war.

[Thrignar Fraxix]

I don't think their names changed, and I don't think sload meant to suggest that there should be any discussion at all. They are not referred to as Vehk, Ayem, and Seht in game so we are not to refer to them in books.

[Nanu]

I don't think their names changed, and I don't think sload meant to suggest that there should be any discussion at all. They are not referred to as Vehk, Ayem, and Seht in game so we are not to refer to them in books.

Unless you're quoting from or referencing a sermon, but the odds of that getting approved are slim at best. :p

[Andres Indoril]

Anyways, I should probably post these here for grammar and such checks. Even though the file is already in review and such, but if it does not get sent back, then Thrigwig can add the fixed versions when approving and such. These are Hemi-writings, so don't blame me. D:


Letter Addressed to Lord Moril

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<DIV ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT COLOR="000000" SIZE="3" FACE="Magic Cards"><BR>
Lord Moril<BR>
<BR>
As you requested, I have prepared these items for you in case of any emergency which requires your escape to safety.<BR>
<BR>
Firstly, change your clothing.  You must not take anything with you except what is on this stand.<BR>
<BR>
After, consume the bottle of Invisibility potion.<BR>
<BR>
Then, drink the first bottle of Rising Force Potion in order to descend from your balcony.<BR>
<BR>
The quickest way of escape will be through the side entrance to the Temple of Qisdah, using feather to fall safely toward the northern base of the mountain.<BR>
<BR>
From there, travel to either the temple at Sailen or Sadavel Plantation. Both locations have already agreed to help smuggle you out of Morrowind in the event of war, insurgence, or political intrigue.<BR>

Lord Moril's Registry

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<DIV ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT COLOR="000000" SIZE="3" FACE="Magic Cards"><BR>
<BR>
[Within this book, you find a list of names corresponding to the soldiers and civilians dwelling within, visiting, and leaving Bis'Andryon.] <BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
<BR>
[In the latter pages of the book, you find a small incomplete narrative:]<BR>
<BR>
Memoirs of Lord Moril, Master of Bis'Andryon<BR>
<BR>
"Since the beginning of my tenure at Bis'Andryon, one of House Indoril's easternmost outposts, almost sixty-five years ago, I have done much to restore the ancient mountain hall to its former glory. What was once a moldy, vermin infested pile of bricks has since been transformed. I have peeled away the centuries and revealed something much grander than Ayemar or even the palace at Mournhold.  Among the wreckage of centuries, I discovered chambers unopened since before the coming of the foreign rulers. My own weapon, an adamantium scimitar, was discovered within the lake bed, in what was once an ancient battleground. Beneath my very feet thousands of bodies lay motionless, transfixed by time, at the moment of their agonizing death.<BR>
<BR>
However, there are still many secrets within this fortress. I have only recently rediscovered a hidden passage. Who knows how many other hidden passages this ancient and palatial fortress contains?<BR>

[Sload]

The first should not be put down lightly, but thrown with great force. The second will probably end up in error and conveys only information that would be best left to dialog.

[Yeti]

I'd be most grateful, if someone would please go over these.

This book is meant to go with a display of war loot from the battle of Red Mountain

The discarded articles you see before you are only a small example of the broken remains of our ancient, decadent enemies, all utterly destroyed at Red Mountain. Each of the artifacts displayed here was seized from a slain heretic or a crumbled hulk of a blasphemous Dwemer construct by the hands of our victorious ancestors. These last remnants of our ancient foes lie here tarnished by millennia while the pillars of our Velothi ancestors continue to stand proudly. May they serve as an example of the inevitable fate of all our enemies, and a reminder of the strength of the Dunmer people. The same faith that guided us to assail the fortress of Red Mountain and destroy the heretical Dwemer race, continues to strengthen us to this day!

This book goes with a display that celebrates the united victory of Dunmer people in the war. It is meant to be patriotic to Morrowind as a whole rather than any individual Great house


When the Hortator and blessed ALMSIVI went forth to crush the enemies of our sacred land, all five of the modern great houses came together as one. Here, let us forget house quarrel and any resentment we may hold and celebrate that alliance of the true Houses of the First Council. Despite all divisions and differences, they stood united during our peoples’ gravest time of peril. Under the leadership of thrice-blessed Nerevar, each contributed their own strength to the holy war against the Dwemer.

Let us praise House Indoril, whose faith was and remains the strongest. They inspired our people to overcome the hardships of war and filled the army’s ranks with Dunmer of righteous heart.

Let us praise House Redoran, whose warriors have no match. No Dwemer warrior of flesh or brass could stand against such a courageous foe.

Let us praise House Dres who preserve our ancient traditions. Their dedication saw certain defeat turn to triumphant victory.

Let us praise House Telvanni whose magical abilities know no limit. The talents of their wizards brought magical wrath upon our enemies.

Let us praise House Hlaalu, greatest merchants among our people. It was through their abilities at organization that the war was managed.

Against this noble alliance, the two false houses of Dwemer and Dagoth crumbled into nothing. Though today the five councils are often at odds with one another, let us never forget the common heritage that unites us. Let us never forget the truth that we are all Dunmer!

[Nanu]

Yeti, I corrected your stuff. Andres, I don't know if it matters now, but your Hemi texts are good.

[Andres Indoril]

They were removed anyway.

[Yeti]

Thank's Nanu

[Praedator]

Do you people think that the Alma Rula (head of temple) has written his very own Sermons, or something close to it?

He gives auditions to the public every week so I imagine he would have written his own book.

Although my english is pretty good I am bad at writing stories, so could someone of the department write it?

I can give some background info on the Alma Rula's palace and way of life if that is needed.

[Shapeshiftr]

Much like Saryoni, I'm sure he must. If you want me to write something for your claim, I'll be happy to.

[Praedator]

Thanks Shapeshifter I would be very happy if you would write a book by the Alma Rula, about the Tribunal and faith of course.

Maybe this info might help a little;
He is a pious and very clean person, the palace has a private pool and bathroom, and its own laundry. He is fond of greens and blues, and is afraid for assasination, being the reason for body checks and weapon storage on Palace entry. He gives weekly auditions in a large audition hall, to the public and auditions for his Ordinators.

If you have more questions feel free to ask, but as for lore I do not know a lot.

[Yeti]

If there's a book it should be something like an unfinished manuscript. It needs to be something that exsplains why it doesn't appear anywhere else in the province.

[blackbird]

TF doesn't like baths (and basins?) in dunmer interiors.

[Shapeshiftr]

If there's a book it should be something like an unfinished manuscript. It needs to be something that exsplains why it doesn't appear anywhere else in the province.

Noted.

[Yeti]

TF doesn't like baths (and basins?) in dunmer interiors.

I'm pretty sure baths are okay as long as the interior is super rich (which the Alma Rula's manor certainly will be).

[Thrignar Fraxix]

I'm pretty sure baths are okay as long as the interior is super rich (which the Alma Rula's manor certainly will be).

This is correct. I can tolerate them when they are in such places.

[Jule]

I need someone to check this.

It is meant to be an excerpt from a bandit's journal. The bandits think there is gold ore in the deep flooded tunnels of the cave.

However, I would also like to hint at the player that there isn't really anything found in the tunnels, except maybe one or two small pieces of gold, which should be found on a slave's corpse. I just can't find a way to make such a subtle remark. Could this perhaps be included in dialogue with the slaves?

Anyway, here comes the text:

<DIV ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT COLOR="000000" SIZE="3" FACE="Magic Cards"><BR>
[This piece of paper seems to be the worksheet of a bandit alchemist. It explains the trouble he had with creating a useful potion of water breathing, as well as some other remarks.]<BR>
<BR>
<DIV ALIGN="LEFT"><BR>
I think I *finally* found out what the correct ingredients are. However, I am not eager to test the potion on myself, nor would I give it to any of my comrades, seeing the lethal effect the previous potion demonstrated. While most of my fellows are useless idiots, they all know that the slaves are far more suitable as test subjects.<BR>
<BR>
As soon as I concoct an adequate potion of water breathing, we can start the extraction of gold ore from the flooded tunnels. Everyone told me there are tons of it down there, and I intend to get hold of it!<BR>
<BR>
Should we succed in this undertaking, the potion I used in the last experiment could yet prove to be quite handy.<BR>

[Nanu]

Kill the asterisks and that's fine. Unless the paper is out in the open and you can't miss it, I'd give important dialogue to NPCs always.

[Jule]

Hvala.

[Nanu]

Molim.

[Praedator]

I wonder where you are at with my writing request for the Alma Rula Shapeshiftr?

[Praedator]

Shapeshiftr hasn't shown up for weeks now. I want to close my claim soon, so if there is someone who wants to write a manuscript by the Head of the Temple, they are free to do so, and I will be very happy indeed.

Else it should be incoorperated in a later stage.