alex 25 showcase - Quest Review needed

[blackbird]

Spamming right now

This area is a real improvement compared with your exterior showcases. This exterior is indeed a worthy exterior.
I have seen 2 minor problems, which could be fixed in less then 5 minutes.

[alex25]

Firstly thanks a lot blackbird and sorry that i missed your post. Well i kinda figured out that i had to improve if i wanted to get promoted

Oh er....
I didn't necromance this showcase for that so:

I bring back this showcase for a quest

Go to the Magic Mudcrab. You will find a telvanni there that gives you 2 quests. First is a fetch type quest (in Firewatch) and the second is a tricky fetch quest in Vivec (hlaalu underworks). I tried to prove that i know a bit of scripting and dialogue rules. The quest works (playtested) but the actual dialogue and plot may be a bit thin.

[Why]

A quest showcase, yay!

I'll try to review this today.

[alex25]

Thanks a lot.
The prefix for changed stuff is SC followed by the TR name.

[immortal_pigs]

Gave this a go:

1. "i" is always capitalized, as in "I".

2. Check your spelling, your grammar seems fine, but you make a lot of spelling errors. Use a spell checker (in Word, or online).

Example:

The Telvanni (name him) wizard at the magic Mudcrab has given me another job: i must go to Vivec, and saerch the Hlaalu underworks for a "friend" of his. I must wear a strange looking helm or else he might think of me as an enemy. More than that i must say a (the) password "a true friend" for him to recognise me. He will then give me a precious item.

3. Refer to "The Telvanni" by name in the journal updates; "Felvas Demavi".

4. Both Felvas and Gaius have the same robe, which is a robe only Temple members are supposed to wear (unofficially). Also, Gaius has ashlander pants.

5. I declined Gaius' offer to pay gold for the book, by doing so, the topic about the book disappears and I don't get a second chance to change my mind. I am forced to kill Gaius to get the book.

6. At one point you have a sentence like..
Whenever using the period as in a thought, it's always three periods like this "...", not ".."

7. Make sure the greetings reflect what has happened. I've accepted Felvas' second quest, but still he asks me if I'm interested in a "small task", which I'd already agreed to doing. Make sure all greetings reflect changes in journal updates.

8. Make sure other topics, like "Gaius Gallenus" and others reflect updates in the journal. If I've dealt with Gaius you might as well remove the topic, or have a short response as in "Yes, thank you for dealing with him".

9. Is something supposed to happen when putting on the cuirass? Nothing happened to me in any case. Either make it so that something happens, or remove the dialog telling me something will happen if I wear it.

Besides those points, I like your dialog work for Felvas, it's funny. Also I like how Felvas' friend in the underworks will attack you unless you follow Felvas' exact orders. If you fix those minor errors I think you should be ready for promotion (again).

Good luck!

[alex25]

Thanks a lot. I'll fix all of that.

Btw the cuirass dialogue was simply to puzzle the player since the cuirass is more valuable than the end reward. Sure i can change this but it just appeals to my twisted sense of humor.

[alex25]

Ok sorry for the doublepost but this is finished and fixed.
Enjoy (and review while you're at it )

[alex25]

*bump*

*bump**bump**bump*

*bump**bump**bump**bump**bump**bump**bump**bump**bump*


And yes i know i am impatient

[Haplo]

Please wait the minimum amount of time (1 week) before bumping a showcase thread. Do not respond to this post.

[Why]

There are still a lot of spelling and grammar issues in your file Alex. I'm not the strongest at English myself, so I doubt I'll be able to find them all, but here's what I found:

SC_armourquest: (Use American English)
A loot hunt (Quest names are capitalized, A Loot Hunt)
Felvas Demavi at the magic Mudcrab has given me another job: I must go to Vivec, and search the Hlaalu underworks for a "friend" of his. I must wear a strange looking helm or else he might think of me as an enemy. More than that (Use Furthermore, or Moreover, or something like that, not More than that) I must say the password "a true friend" for him to recognise me. He will then give me a precious item.
I have recived the item: it's a heavy cuirass. (either "...item: a heavy cuirass." or "...item. It's a heavy cuirass.") I have been warned not to put it on though because without proper protection things can turn nasty for the one who wears it.

Sc_BookQuest:
A book hunt (Capitalize, also imho it's a bit of a lame title but that'd get fixed in the Design stage)
I have met a Telvanni wizard (both ranks and classes are capitalized) naved Felvas Demavi at The Magic Mudcrab. He wants me to retrive a book "The true nature of Oblivion" (a book called "...) from Gaius Gallenus a imperial (Gallenus, an Imperial) at the Firewatch Library.
...
I have given the book and got my reward (interpunction!)

a small test:
Yes a (Yes, a) very trusted friend. Here have (Here, have) this cuirass. Bring it to him and tell him it requires a sacrifice. And don't put it on. Trust me you (me, you) won't like it. Now leave me.

Unfortunately I didn't get to review the rest of your dialogue for spelling. Scriptwise I don't actually see much as your quest is mainly dialogue driven, so can't really give you any pointers there.

[alex25]

Ok i'll fix these. I didn't find any non-lame name for a book hunt so sorry.

Also is grammar the only problem? I mean is this showcase ok except for the grammar part?

[Why]

I'd like to see some scripting, a choice in dialogue, maybe an AI package change somewhere, or a ForceGreeting, or something wacky, anyway, do something fun to show that you know more than copying one script from Vanilla. You tried to script the cuirass but I believe that script is broken. For starters, make sure that script works.

You've shown that you can work with dialogue, but just imagine someone gives you the following quest description: "The player is ordered to place X to retrieve item Y. Upon picking up item Y a Dremora called Z appears directly behind the player, talks to him, and then attacks him. When Dremora Z dies he explodes in a burst of flame and the player gets a journal update." That's not something you can do with dialogue only, in fact it'll require quite a bit of scripting. Now I just made this up and it's a pretty lame and cheesy idea, but the amount of scripting it'd require is pretty representative for the average TR quest claim. I need to be sure you can handle stuff like that. So make up something of your own to incorporate into your quest that requires a bit of scripting.

[alex25]

Ok. I'll make a quest like that ( with a dremora appearing and all of that). Will this be enough?

[alex25]

New showcase up. Talk to a loony Telvanni at the Avenue in Port Telvanis and he will tell you to retrive a ring from Tel Sadas. However a dremora will apear after you retrive it.

[alex25]

Bumpy bumpy bumpidity

[alex25]

Bump?

[Why]

I'm leaving on holiday in an hour so I probably won't be able to review this any time soon. Whether or not I'll be able to do anything for TR will depend entirely on circumstances I can't forsee as of yet. I'd be grateful if another quester could take a look at this and OTRaw's showcase.

[alex25]

Thanks a lot Why i realy appreciate that and have a great holiday

This said:bump

[Why]

Review time!

My observations:
Your file is dependent on the Map1 and Map2 files. There's still quite a lot of spelling mistakes in your dialogue, your file is just a tad dirty since one line of dialogue in greeting 0 got dislocated. Your scripts are alright. The quest lacks a couple of safety nets. Your choice construction is a bit askew. You use a lot of dialogue filters.

Comments:
Ideally, your file would be dependent on TR_Mainland instead of Map1 and Map2.
You should probably go over your text again, and see if you can find any spelling errors yourself. Also, you're gonna need to put some safety nets in place. By that I mean, quests do not need to be unbreakable. They just need to be finished properly if you break them in the obvious ways. For instance, what would happen if you kill the guy looking for his ring. Add a script to him that updates the journal to some sort of finished state when he dies if you have the quest active (also add a nolore, he has a lot of unnecessary dialogue). Add something that disables and enables the ring at the appropriate moments in the quests, since you will not want the player to pick it up before he has started the quest. Add something that disables the Dremora if you leave the cell after giving him the ring. Also, go over the choice construction in the "job" topic. Right now, if you answer "no" to "do you have my ring", you'll get the "Later? Later what? Oh, just go away." response instead of the more appropriate "You don't have it? Don't have what? My ring? Well then you'd better get it." (generally speaking, avoid using the same numbers for different choices). Also "job" is not a good topic, since it's too generic, which will easily conflict with existing dialogue. For instance, if there's a topic "little job", "job" will not be hyperlinked if it's prefixed with little, ever. Replace it with a different topic please.

Conclusion:
Believe it or not, you're well on your way to becoming a good quester here. You clearly understand the basics, you just made some sloppy mistakes and need some more experience, like intuitively adding safety nets. Fix what I mentioned above (and if you can, make this dependent on TR_Mainland instead of Map1 and Map2, though that's not really urgent so if you're heaving trouble with that, just use TR_Mainland next time) and I'll be happy to take another look at this!

[alex25]

Ok new file. Fixed some dialogue, changed the greetings (from 0 to 1) and the dialogue to " little job", fixed the bug and worked with the scripts. It's ok and playtested.

[PoisonUnagi]

recognise

That's actually how we spell it in New Zealand, the UK, Australia and most European countries.

[SamirA]

Poison, that was completely irrelevant to this thread please keep stuff where it needs to be. This mod uses AMERICAN English so however we spell something is how it shall be in this mod.

[alex25]

Bump

[alex25]

Double bump

[OTRaw]

Just to let you know I started typing up your review yesterday, I'll edit this post when I finish.

Edit:


Sorry that this is taking a long time :/

As I said in the IRC, Why has been doing this longer than me, but I can give a little help.

Your esp is squeaky clean, no problems there. It IS dependant on Map 1 and 2 though. Seeing as you have access to Mainland, I think that you can use that instead if you need it.

Your scripting is generally good. Two and a half times you didn't space your script properly, you should press tab for every if it is under. This becomes especially important with more complex scripts, where it can be harder to work out kinks and make changes without proper if-tabbing.

Dialogue:

I like how Dlas actually had a common theme, in this case his bad memory. It shows you put thought behind his character.
I think it is reasonable that a Dremora wouldn't mind if a player was a vampire/naked/w.e, so Greeting 1 is fine in my opinion.

Code: Select all

So you want me to kill you. Thats sad %PCName.

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So you want me to kill you. That[b]'[/b]s sad[b],[/b] %PCName.

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Thank[b]'[/b]s for the ring. I'm so happy that I could slaughter a hole city.

Code: Select all

Thanks for the ring. I'm so happy that I could slaughter a [b]w[/b]hole city.

Code: Select all

It dosen't matter that you didn't get it. Giving it to a dremora was the right thing. Poor dremora

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It do[b]es[/b]n't matter that you didn't get it. Giving it to a dremora was the right thing. Poor dremora[b].[/b]

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This is just an advice but you won't find it elsewhere won't you?

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This is just [b]some[/b] advice[b],[/b] but you won't find it elsewhere won't you?

"but you won't find it elsewhere won't you?" ???

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He has asked me to retrive a ring

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He has asked me to [b]retrieve[/b] a ring

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A dremora appeared when i took the ring.

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A dremora appeared when [b]I[/b] took the ring.

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Everything he wants or not is now totaly irrelevant.

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Everything he wants or not is now total[b]l[/b]y irrelevant.

That's most of it, make sure to proof read. It's a good idea to proof-read your work and also run it through a spell checker, or errors will slip through.

The rewards seem over-the-top, could be toned down some. Now to playtest.

The dremora spawns then walks around randomly, it would make more sense for him to stay still and ForceGreet the player.

You get the journal entry about the little job as soon as you talk to the dude, even if he doesn't want to talk about his little job.

Rewards seem over the top, I would scale them down.

Though your scripts are good, I would of liked to see something a little more complex.

Also, it would be good to see that you know the quest naming conventions, search around the forums for them.

Apart from that, the quest was enjoyable, and had more than one ending. The Dremora was suitably impressive and imtimidating. It was simple, (item retrieval) but executed well. Good job and good luck with future versions, sorry the review took so long.

[alex25]

OK, new improved error free version. I added the TR name after SC_ for easier browsing.

[alex25]

bump

[alex25]

re-bump

[alex25]

bump

[PoisonUnagi]

I would've called it a re-re-bump.
I'll take a look at this soon, bear in mind I'm not even a modder, so my review won't be at all professional. But I like reviewing stuff, so, yeah.

[The Greatness]

You wait ages for one quester and then five come along at once. I'm planning to review PosionUnagi's shocase next, then if no one else has I guess I'll review yours. Sorry about all this, there's a lot to do and writing an in detial review can take a while.

[Bloodthirsty Crustacean]

Thanks again whoever edited the topic title.

Alex, I've given your plugin a brief once over, and I can tell just by glancing that your dialogue isn't really up to scratch. There's a bunch of easily catchable errors that you'd fix if you just read your own work, but on the whole the dialogue is just far too flippant ("that guy" "i'm so happy i could slaughter a whole city") for it to be taken seriously as a Morrowind quest. I understand it's a showcase, but I need to see your talent for writing fitting and appropriate dialogue.

If you want to go again, then scrap the current plotline and come up with something new.

[alex25]

Will do. Is there anything new you want to see? Or just this quest with a another plot and dialogue?

Also thanks to whoever changed the title.

[Bloodthirsty Crustacean]

A standard quest showcase, please: scripts, dialogue, etc.