q2-36-Imp

[6plus]

Update #8

The update has caused only one error, namely the "duties" responses have got out of order.

fixed

Francine talks way too melodramatic and too formal (ever heard "urgent if not downright unpostponable" in speech?).

toned her down (enough or more?)

Moreover, she shouldn't direct you to Polodie for levitation potions, but give you one herself; she supplies the player with stuff on the quests before, so it is only reasonable she will do the same on her own quests.

Francine gives the player some potions now

My idea on Francine's writing the letter of apology was that it be motivated by shame rather than fear of retaliation.

implemented

Also, I imagined Francine being a bit confused at first when she hears of Rilmas' reaction to her letter: she expected him to be angry while he doesn't give a shit. That confusion should then turn into relief, but it shouldn't start as relief right away.

same here

Here is a point brought up by Sload: Dialogue shouldn't suggest to the player to use fast travel without reason (it's basically suggesting to not explore the lands).

she now tells the player that she doesn't know the way (because she uses transport services)

50000 gold is way too much for a bounty for liberating a slave, even with a corruption multiplier. Maybe 1500 gold?

5000, final offer

Arvs Rethrati is missing the most obvious dialogue option: What is the cause of the arrest?

implemented (requires speechcraft, disposition, 1500 gold)

The Giordano note is nice, although the name sounds a bit too Italian for me.

changed to Julian (ok?)

[arvisrend]

Very nice! Dialogue is fine now, and while I'll probably make some changes in the end, they will be mostly cosmetic. (One example: I think the words Francine describes that expert in Alt Bosara with are both too adulating and too formal; scientists don't speak of each other like that. On a similar note, "a sizable quantum of residual energies develops" should be "residual energies develop" -- science talk can be confusing but shouldn't be redundant or vague.)

I have not done any serious script review so far; will do so once you say that you're not going to do any more changes (except when bugs are found).

Yeah, Julian is an OK name.

Some issues:

- Maybe add a greeting highlighting the "duties" topic once the first quest is available?

- Same for the second one.

- The dialogue finishing the first quest might link to the topic of the second quest if the second one is already available (probably won't be for most players).

- When Francine talks about the "erratic noise" circulating in the places of repeated ritual and magic, I'd expect her to suspect that the noise is not really erratic and has some meaning. Either a way, this is a pretty good bridge to the Andothren MG story.

- In the same dialogue, the player might give Francine a suggestion that the same "erratic noise" is found in Daedric shrines. (This shouldn't have any consequences -- she'll learn about this either way later.)

-

Code: Select all

MessageBox "He starts writing a letter."

should be

Code: Select all

MessageBox "[He starts writing a letter.]"

Everything outside of brackets is direct speech. (Yes, we should better advertise this unwritten rule.)

- "Mage's Guild" should be "Mages' Guild" or "Guild of Mages".

- You might want to make Francine talk about emigration (to better parts of Morrowind or even other provinces). What I plan to do later is have her move to Andothren.

[6plus]

Update #9

Included what arvisrend said except the stuff about daedric shrines (it seems a bit too cheesy to me, feel free to add it if you think it's fitting)

I'm going to call the claim FINISHED from my side
arvisrend, you can go ahead and fine-tune the dialogue

[Bloodthirsty Crustacean]

On a similar note, "a sizable quantum of residual energies develops" should be "residual energies develop"

Sorry I don't have time to lookover the whole file, but just to note: "develops" seems to be correct here, because it is referring to the singular 'quantum', not the plural 'energies'.

Although whether these words themselves are context-appropriate in Morrowind I don't know. (Quantum??)

Haplo Edit - Quantum isn't really appropriate for Tamriel. While such technologies might have existed during the height of Dwemer studies, they probably weren't called quantum things, which has a very futuristic sci-fi feel to it. And who is to say the Dwemer hadn't already surpassed quantum technology? I mean, they transported themselves outside of Mundus or w/e, so they probably could control matter in many, many states, not just two states at once.

[Sload]

I think arvisrend means to remove "a sizable quantum of" from the dialogue

[arvisrend]

I think arvisrend means to remove "a sizable quantum of" from the dialogue

Yeah, that was what I meant; sorry for brevity.

[6plus]

Yeah, that was what I meant; sorry for brevity.

And that's how I understood it too.

[arvisrend]

Some changes done. I see a lot of good dialogue in your claim (version 9 at least), but in some places you are a bit brief, and in others, you're repeatedly stating the obvious ("How terrible! Haven't I been able to cast a teleportation spell, I would still be incarcerated in that horrible cell.", "I on the other hand have become victim of a serious judicial error", "Imagine, I had to use a spell of Recall to escape the prison." etc.). By the way, in my dialogue, she fled before she arrived in prison (that seems the more reasonable thing to do). Also, "judicial error" presumes there was due process involved, which isn't quite the case here...

Attached is the new file (not done reviewing yet, and will hopefully continue tomorrow), as well as tes3cmd dumps of your and my versions. If you have some 10 minutes, you can compare them e.g. using [url=http://kdiff3.sourceforge.net/]kdiff3[/url] to see what I changed and what I added (among other things, I added some dialogue on Ranosa and on Mjara).

To-do list:

- This one is weird: "Don't ask me. I'm not commander of this fort. Talk to the second-in-command, whoever that is...". Presumably guards at the fort should know who the second-in-command is? Or is this because he could be dead? I haven't figured out whom to talk to in this case BTW.

[6plus]

- This one is weird: "Don't ask me. I'm not commander of this fort. Talk to the second-in-command, whoever that is...". Presumably guards at the fort should know who the second-in-command is? Or is this because he could be dead? I haven't figured out whom to talk to in this case BTW.

Yeah, that's the response when Arvs is dead. Basically, they don't really care (lack of discipline, unclear chain of command), but it just dawned to me that 'second-in-command' could be changed to 'transitional commander' or 'interim commander' maybe.

[arvisrend]

Ah, good suggestion -- not knowing who the second-in-command is is weird, but not knowing who the interim is makes sense.

[arvisrend]

Books proofread, minor changes made, quests playtested ingame. Remains to proofread the dialogue and I'll declare this finished.

[arvisrend]

Finished version, ready for merge.

Once again, thank you 6plus!

[arvisrend]

Merged!