[to be deleted]

[Haplo]

This is common knowledge. The Empire has been failing ever since Tiber Septim's death. The Imperials would have you believe the Empire is regaining its strength, and that Uriel Septim VII is the strongest Emperor to have occupied the throne.

On the contrary, the entire history of the Empire is scarred with instabilities, lies, murders, rebellions and other deeds of horror. If the Empire is truly strong, why are the Dark Elves allowed to continue the horrendous practice of slavery? If it is so foolproof, why was Jagar Tharn nearly able to destroy it? If it is so strong, how can there be such petty bickering and fighting amongst the leadership, even the royal family itself? Why are assassinations, betrayals, and unwarranted executions common in the Imperial ranks?

Furthermore, Septim VII is as weak as he is uncaring. It has been discovered that all he is capable of doing is pretending to control his Empire through the application of fear. The Emperor has within his possession secret spy networks which have either removed or jeopardized any freedoms we could have ever held on to! These ‘blades,’ as they are called, spy on regular, hard-working common folk simply to give Septim VII a feeling of control. But this feeling is slipping, and all his proclaimed “legionsâ€Â￾ appear to do is murder innocent civilians to insure themselves a little more time in power. As I saw from the inside, almost as many Imperial Guards fell to faulty leadership as fighting. There is even unrest in the city of Cyrodiil itself. Riots! In the streets of the greatest city in Tamriel!

What can we do during these times? We can do nothing. We can remain passive like weak old men, while the Empire collapses on itself, leaving total anarchy for us to contend with. Or… we can hasten the Empire’s decline, and take control of the Empire’s assets and treasures for ourselves! We can rule Tamriel and succeed where the Empire and the foolish Uriel Septim cannot.

The choice is yours.

Marcus Romius

---

I added a bunch of words to make it flow better. I also rephrased some parts for better structure.

[Haplo]

Hate to break it to you, but some of Kendric's fixings are incorrect.

[Jacurutu]

Please wait until the stylistic revision is done . . . it should change the whole piece, and doing a revision now would be pointless.

[Psyborg]

Oy? What's this about a stylistic revision? (blinks) Do you want me to do it, or will it be another group project?

[Jacurutu]

No, no, no, no. It's something that I myself do. The more you have to think about the construction of your sentences, the more insteresting the language becomes.

[vrover]

A few things: "Reports of unrest" sounds sorta weak, you'd think he'd research into it, go to Cyrodiil City himself, sorta fing. Or at least tell us that he has. "One choice" sounds awkward, if you wanna change it to something else that would be great. Or keep it, sometimes things sound awkward but you can't put in anything else. Otherwise looks excellent! And by the way, "infrangible" is a GREAT word. I've gotta use that word sometime. Infrangible...

[Psyborg]

Yeah... we have the good ol' thesaurus to thank for that one... Anyway, I'll be editing those changes now... thanks for replying, vrover.

[Psyborg]

(says something spammy in order to bump this thread, which is terribly rude, and I'm very sorry for it, but I liked this little pamphlet-ish thing, and I would like very much to thank Kodel for the review, but I don't really know what to say other than "good review, Kodel", which would bump the thread, but would seem a bit out of place given the review was done two months ago. So, good review, Kodel, and thank you, and now that grammar's corrected (I think(parentheses inside parentheses inside parentheses)) I would like some feedback on whether the lore is viable, and then do whatever I do from there. Thank you for your time and effort)

[Jacurutu]

All right, I'm going to make some alterations to this to make it more demanding and powerful (by basically removing the passive voice except where it is necessary). I really made a lot of changes to this piece . . . tell me what you all think.

THE FAILURE OF THE EMPIRE

It is common knowledge that the fall of the empire is approaching quickly, and soon its degeneration will result in utter collapse. Ever since the death of Tiber Septim, the Empire's foundations have rotted under weak rulers, and Uriel Septim has only further proven this. The Imperial bureaucracy siphons propaganda and lies to the populace, desperately trying to restore faith in this dying creature we obey like fools.

In truth, instability and strife mars the entire history of this empire. Lies, murders, treacheries, rage through the Imperial city and crush the hopes and dreams of its citizens. How can the "mighty" Empire allow the continuation of these horrors? The Dunmer and their slaves; the rise of the impious puppeteer, Jagar Tharn; the incessant infighting of this malignant, bloated creature we call an Empire; the assassinations, betrayals, and unwarranted executions so common to our Imperial ranks . . . all of these corruptions scream the Empire's failure. And all of this centers around the Imperial system and its ruler, the decrepit Uriel Septim.

Septim VII is as weak as he is ignorant. The people of Tamriel have discovered that he rules -- comfortable in the luxury of the Imperial palace -- through corruption and fear. Under the Emperor's sickly hand, secret spy networks which have either removed or jeopardized more freedoms than we have ever thought possible move like murderous wraiths through the people. These "blades," as they call themselves, spy on the regular, hard-working common folk simply to satisfy the foul Emperor's desire for control of all things. He draws further power from his military police, and all his self-proclaimed "legions" do now is murder innocent civilians to ensure themselves a little more time in control. They are nothing but cowards and thugs. The corruption rises through the ranks of this legion, and I have seen from the inside nearly as many Imperial Guards fall to faulty leadership as to fighting. I've even seen unrest in the city of Cyrodiil itself. Rioting! In the streets of the greatest city in Tamriel! And yet the Emperor and his legions continue to preach of the "glory of the Empire!"

We must ask ourselves what we can do during these times. Will we do nothing? Will we dotter like old men, speaking but never taking action? Will we wait for the beasts of ararchy to take hold on this sweet land we love more than all else? We must impel the Empire's fall and take control for ourselves! We can rule Tamriel and succeed where the Empire and the foolish Uriel Septim cannot.

The choice is in your hands.

[Psyborg]

Simply brilliant. I suppose I shouldn't try to do anything that's not passive... I guess I'm just a really passive guy. Or perhaps, a bad writer, but we'll shy away from that particular point of conversation for the time being.

Anyhoo, every change you made is amazing and I believe I'll spend the rest of my days proclaiming your amazing writing abilities. Huzzah! All stand aside... Jacurutu approacheth! (plays a minstrel tune as he breaks out the jester outfit)

But seriously, it's good. Thanks for the help.

Psyborg

[Jacurutu]

Thanks, Psyborg. I mostly took your sentences and flipped around the order to make them active. It's pretty simple to go from one to another most of the time. All the piece needed was a little tweaking.

Anyway, does someone wanna come by and check this for grammar?

[Haplo]

The Failure of The Empire

It is common knowledge that the fall of the empire is approaching quickly, and soon its degeneration will result in utter collapse. Ever since the death of Tiber Septim, the Empire's foundations have rotted under weak rulers, and Uriel Septim has only further proven this. The Imperial bureaucracy siphons propaganda and lies to the populace, desperately trying to restore faith in this dying creature we obey like fools.

In truth, instability and strife mars the entire history of this empire. Lies, murders, treacheries, rage through the Imperial city and crush the hopes and dreams of its citizens. How can the "mighty" Empire allow the continuation of these horrors? The Dunmer and their slaves; the rise of the impious puppeteer, Jagar Tharn; the incessant infighting of this malignant, bloated creature we call an Empire; the assassinations, betrayals, and unwarranted executions so common to our Imperial ranks . . . all of these corruptions scream the Empire's failure. And all of this centers on the Imperial system and its ruler, the decrepit Uriel Septim.

Septim VII is as weak as he is ignorant. The people of Tamriel have discovered that he rules -- comfortable in the luxury of the Imperial palace -- through corruption and fear. Under the Emperor's sickly hand, secret spy networks which have either removed or jeopardized more freedoms than we have ever thought possible move like murderous wraiths through the people. These "blades," as they call themselves, spy on the regular, hard-working common folk simply to satisfy the foul Emperor's desire for control of all things. He draws further power from his military police, and all that his self-proclaimed "legions" do now is murder innocent civilians to ensure themselves a little more time in control. They are nothing but cowards and thugs. The corruption rises through the ranks of this legion, and I have seen from the inside nearly as many Imperial Guards fall to faulty leadership as to fighting. I've even seen unrest in the city of Cyrodiil itself. Rioting! In the streets of the greatest city in Tamriel! And yet the Emperor and his legions continue to preach of the "glory of the Empire!"

We must ask ourselves what we can do during these times. Will we do nothing? Will we dotter like old men, speaking but never taking action? Will we wait for the beasts of anarchy to take hold on this sweet land we love more than all else? We must impel the Empire's fall and take control for ourselves! We can rule Tamriel and succeed where the Empire and the foolish Uriel Septim cannot.

The choice is in your hands.

---

Edited Version