Shadow's Eve [Awaiting Grammar & Lore Check]

[Hayden]

Shadow's Eve
by M. Hayden

Shadymarch is a disgusting swamp of a town, noted for little more than poverty and disease. It was here, shockingly, that my downward spiral of fortunes would be reversed in a surprising way. I had a plot in mind, one that was devastating to those who had betrayed me in the past.
I had been planning, for some time, a heist of a local Merchant's ship from the nearby port of Gilane; The Lillywater was a small, fast ferry, and it's owner, one (Breton) Ells Malackey had done me considerable wrong in losing several shipments that later spelled doom for my textile trade. I would steal his boat, make a run to Skyrim, and sell it off with the cargo! A brilliant plan, except I needed an accomplice.

Wandering the near-deserted streets of the Shadymarch, I eventually grew tired of questioning local thugs. I needed mind, not muscle, to reach my goal. Stepping into “The Falconerâ€Â￾, my tavern of choice, I took my position at the bar as I usually did, and treated myself to a Cyrodiilic Brandy; an early celebration for my predicted success.
“I understand you're looking for an accompliceâ€Â￾ a feminine voice said from behind. “I'm called Shadow, here for a week. Give me a place to stay and a cut of the profit, and I'll make your heist the stuff of legends.â€Â￾ I turned around to see who this muse of the underworld was, and was greeted by a short, slightly built dark elf. I sipped my brandy, and gave her a nod. “Go on.â€Â￾

“I may not look itâ€Â￾ she began, “but I've been involved in a number of heists, each of them greater than the last. If you wish it, I'll assist you, and make my exit here. In a week, I'll be dead, and I want this to be a spectacular ending to a glorious career.â€Â￾ I raised my brow, wanting to question her sincerity, but at this point too desperate to execute my plan to turn her down. Maybe it was the drink, or maybe it was her charisma. In either event, I committed myself.

In Two days, the plan was set. She would seek passage aboard the Lillywater in Taneth, paralyze Malackey, and would stop just long enough in Gilane to drop him and take me with her. I, for my part, would pay for her expenses to this point, as well as the ticket. Everything was set, as I stood on the docks, eagerly awaiting my new fortune.
As I saw the Lillywater slowly approach, my pulse quickened. This would be it! My treasure delivered! The ship scraped against the dock, and I leap aboard, almost ecstatic. But, where was the crew? Where was Malackey, or my accomplice? Checking the ship, I found nary a trace, and so decided it was all the better. I pushed the ship out into the bay, and unfurled the sails.

As the ship rounded the bend near Hnes Rax, a familiar feminine voice called from behind me. “Ah, my accomplice, what progress we have made.â€Â￾ I quickly turned, scanning the deck for any signs of shadow. “Not there, dear accomplice. Not anywhere. The spell is an incredible thing, is it not? Never knew I was here. Never knew my boss was here.â€Â￾ I coughed. “Your boss?â€Â￾

“Yes.â€Â￾ said Ells Malackey, emerging from a nearby crate. “Now that you've tried to steal my ship and take my life, I suppose I'll have to take something of yours before I order my assassin to kill you.â€Â￾ I squinted. “You've already taken everything! My mill, my profit, everything I had is lost due to you!â€Â￾ Malackey smiled at this. “Yes. Everything.â€Â￾

The knife pierced into my back and I slumped to the deck. At the same time Malackey collapsed, his throat slit and a look of total surprise twisted on his face. A new voice hissed at us “What fools you were, both of you. You should know better than to trust strangers with your fortunes.â€Â￾ Shadow appeared, standing over me. She smiled and said “You'll live. After all, someone needs to tell the story. You'll not see me again, and you'll never see my associate.â€Â￾

The next day, I woke on a dock in Sentinel. Since this encounter, I've done my best to avoid the underworld, and in a way, this was the best thing that could have happened. Shadow kept her promise, and the story did become something of a local legend in south western Hammerfell In spite of the misfortune of the events, I consider myself lucky to have survived, and even more fortunate to make a living off the tale.


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I think it's in working order.

[Haplo]

HDS: 3.B.HF.

(remember, HDS must go in a different post than the story itself, for HTML reasons)

[Haplo]

Can someone take a look at this?

[Xui'al]

How did I miss this? I've never even seen it. Well, it's quite good, and I found only one minor grammatical error, which I corrected above.

Is it possible that you could expand on the plot a little more, and give some more information on the characters? If you don't want to, the story is still fine, but it would be nice to give some of the characters a little more depth.