Claim type: Quest
Claim ID: TR_q2-28-Imp (#2516)
Faction: Imperial
Parent claim: TR_2-37-Ind (#100)
Claimed by: Zobator
Status: Approved (Progress: 90%)
Location: 1:(3645, -1859):0
Files: TR_q2-28-Imp_Zobator_1.esp; TR_q2-28-Imp_Zobator_2.esp; TR_q2-28-Imp_Zobator_3.esp; TR_q2-28-Imp_Zobator_4.esp; TR_q2-28-Imp_Zobator_5.esp; TR_q2-28-Imp_Zobator_6.esp; TR_q2-28-Imp_Zobator_7.esp
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Akamora Fighters Guild quests given by Circus Leonos.
Original design discussion: http://tamriel-rebuilt.org/old_forum/viewtopic.php?t=23566
q2-28-Imp
Moderator: Lead Developers
Original plans by Yeti. Yeti, you're awesome.
Guild members
Laalalvo Irano (Rank: Guardian) – A female Dunmer Crusader who is an Akamora native. She used to be a member of the city guard but quit and joined the Fighter’s Guild due to it being too rigid for her. Her sister, Flaalsa Irano, is the current guard captain. Laalalvo believes that as a native Dunmer, she has the best chance of building the guild's reputation in Akamora. Despite being the leader of an outlander guild, Laalalvo still respects her native beliefs and customs and tries to run the guild within their boundaries.
Amiro (Rank: Defender) – A good natured Redguard Drillmaster who assigns the easiar contracts to members.
Circus Leonos (Rank: Swordsman) - A gruff and burly Imperial knight. Circus is only interested in winning glory (and money) through fighting. Also assigns odd jobs to guild members. Usually these jobs are tasks that he feels are beneath him.
Baren Dralos (Rank: Apprentice) – A female Dunmer women who makes her trade as a warrior. She isn’t native-born and has little connections in Akamora outside of the Guild.
Lands-With-Splat (Rank: Apprentice) – An Argonian who acts as the guilds’ smith.
Hozgub gro-Hazor (Rank: Associate) – An Orc warrior who joined the Fighters Guild very recently. Utterly incompetent, Hozgub is currently staying at The Inn Between along the road to the west of Akamora, due to his inability to locate the cave he was sent to for his first guild job.
Quests
The player starts out at the Akamora branch of the Fighter’s Guild by taking quests from Amiro and Circus Leonos. After completing the tasks (3 from Amiro and 2 from Circus) the player will receive 3 more difficult quests from Laalalvo Irano.
Please note that due to the confusing nature of the region around Akamora, players will need very thorough directions to wilderness locations.
Also, most of my quest names are mediocre and should be treated as placeholders.
An Indifferent Theft
Journal Entry: TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
object/script ID prefix: TR_m2_q_28_1_
Clibergus Celata, the Imperial trader in the Laughing Goblin in Akamora, has reported his financial ledger (a record of all his business transactions) stolen. He has found out that the Indoril guards aren’t particularly interested in his plight and has hired the Fighters Guild to look into it. Circus Leonos, having no interest in investigating a petty crime, will give the job to the player to do. Note: The tone of Circuse’s dialogue should be along the lines of: “We’re the Fighters Guild! We fight outlaws and monsters, not meander around looking for books! Still, since you’re new around here, you might as well handle this useless task.â€Â
The player interviews Clibergus Celata, who tells the player that he has been going around to all the manor houses of the nobles in Akamora trying to strike business deals. From this the player will proceed to interview Akamora’s nobles until he/she finds the culprit, the grouchy young nobleman Daryos Varen. The Indoril noble will explain that he had ordered his slave to swipe the ledger when Clibergus visited his manor, mainly out of boredom and wanting to give the tiresome foreigner grief for bothering him. He’ll tell the player (indifferently) to retrieve the book from his slave, Risbanji. The player will then return the ledger to Clibergus.
Instructions from an Altmer
Journal Entry: TR_m2_FG_Leonos2
object/script ID prefix: TR_m2_q_28_2_
Circus Leonos’ second quest is for the player to transport a package for Galdalior, a slave who handles the finances of House Indoril Councilor Sorvol Tomaril. The player will receive the package from Galdalior at Tomaril Manor (south from Akamora's eastern exit) and will be instructed to take it to Geras Egg Mine, located a ways east of Tomaril Manor, ( in “35,-14†to be precise). The mine is owned by Sorvol Tomaril and the package is a list of instructions to the workers. Due to the recent Dridea infestation, Galdalior thought it best to hire the Fighters Guild to handle the usually routine delivery.
Guild members
Laalalvo Irano (Rank: Guardian) – A female Dunmer Crusader who is an Akamora native. She used to be a member of the city guard but quit and joined the Fighter’s Guild due to it being too rigid for her. Her sister, Flaalsa Irano, is the current guard captain. Laalalvo believes that as a native Dunmer, she has the best chance of building the guild's reputation in Akamora. Despite being the leader of an outlander guild, Laalalvo still respects her native beliefs and customs and tries to run the guild within their boundaries.
Amiro (Rank: Defender) – A good natured Redguard Drillmaster who assigns the easiar contracts to members.
Circus Leonos (Rank: Swordsman) - A gruff and burly Imperial knight. Circus is only interested in winning glory (and money) through fighting. Also assigns odd jobs to guild members. Usually these jobs are tasks that he feels are beneath him.
Baren Dralos (Rank: Apprentice) – A female Dunmer women who makes her trade as a warrior. She isn’t native-born and has little connections in Akamora outside of the Guild.
Lands-With-Splat (Rank: Apprentice) – An Argonian who acts as the guilds’ smith.
Hozgub gro-Hazor (Rank: Associate) – An Orc warrior who joined the Fighters Guild very recently. Utterly incompetent, Hozgub is currently staying at The Inn Between along the road to the west of Akamora, due to his inability to locate the cave he was sent to for his first guild job.
Quests
The player starts out at the Akamora branch of the Fighter’s Guild by taking quests from Amiro and Circus Leonos. After completing the tasks (3 from Amiro and 2 from Circus) the player will receive 3 more difficult quests from Laalalvo Irano.
Please note that due to the confusing nature of the region around Akamora, players will need very thorough directions to wilderness locations.
Also, most of my quest names are mediocre and should be treated as placeholders.
An Indifferent Theft
Journal Entry: TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
object/script ID prefix: TR_m2_q_28_1_
Clibergus Celata, the Imperial trader in the Laughing Goblin in Akamora, has reported his financial ledger (a record of all his business transactions) stolen. He has found out that the Indoril guards aren’t particularly interested in his plight and has hired the Fighters Guild to look into it. Circus Leonos, having no interest in investigating a petty crime, will give the job to the player to do. Note: The tone of Circuse’s dialogue should be along the lines of: “We’re the Fighters Guild! We fight outlaws and monsters, not meander around looking for books! Still, since you’re new around here, you might as well handle this useless task.â€Â
The player interviews Clibergus Celata, who tells the player that he has been going around to all the manor houses of the nobles in Akamora trying to strike business deals. From this the player will proceed to interview Akamora’s nobles until he/she finds the culprit, the grouchy young nobleman Daryos Varen. The Indoril noble will explain that he had ordered his slave to swipe the ledger when Clibergus visited his manor, mainly out of boredom and wanting to give the tiresome foreigner grief for bothering him. He’ll tell the player (indifferently) to retrieve the book from his slave, Risbanji. The player will then return the ledger to Clibergus.
Instructions from an Altmer
Journal Entry: TR_m2_FG_Leonos2
object/script ID prefix: TR_m2_q_28_2_
Circus Leonos’ second quest is for the player to transport a package for Galdalior, a slave who handles the finances of House Indoril Councilor Sorvol Tomaril. The player will receive the package from Galdalior at Tomaril Manor (south from Akamora's eastern exit) and will be instructed to take it to Geras Egg Mine, located a ways east of Tomaril Manor, ( in “35,-14†to be precise). The mine is owned by Sorvol Tomaril and the package is a list of instructions to the workers. Due to the recent Dridea infestation, Galdalior thought it best to hire the Fighters Guild to handle the usually routine delivery.
Last edited by Why on Wed Jul 11, 2012 3:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Terrifying Daedric Foe
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Bloodthirsty Crustacean
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Just to drop in, given that this is your first claim, it might be worth doing like Arvis has in his, and posting up your dialogue to be checked here before implementation. Especially as there may be some character overlap as this is part of a single faction.
a man builds a city
with Banks and Cathedrals
a man melts the sand so he
can see the world outside
"They destroyed Morrowind? Fiddlesticks! Now we're going to have to rebuild it again!"
with Banks and Cathedrals
a man melts the sand so he
can see the world outside
"They destroyed Morrowind? Fiddlesticks! Now we're going to have to rebuild it again!"
Hmm, I never liked books that are like that but I guess it'll have to do the job.Yeti wrote: [This ledger lists the business transactions of the Imperial merchant, Clibergus Celata.]
And Crustacean, I'll wrap up a file with all the dialogue for review once I've done enough of it.
Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus.
[url=http://www.freegamesviking.com/]Getting bored?[/url]
[url=http://www.freegamesviking.com/]Getting bored?[/url]
I've finished the first quest. (with some delay though since my father got hospitalised yesterday 
)
Anyhow, I think I've got anything sorted out on the technical part.
EDIT: Uploaded the esp with checked grammar.
)Anyhow, I think I've got anything sorted out on the technical part.
EDIT: Uploaded the esp with checked grammar.
- Attachments
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- Dialogue.doc
- All the dialogue for review
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Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus.
[url=http://www.freegamesviking.com/]Getting bored?[/url]
[url=http://www.freegamesviking.com/]Getting bored?[/url]
He feels fine. He has some brain damage which should be mostly or completely repairable. At the moment there's not much we can do but visit him.
And if someone might have a good alternative for "Instructions from an Altmer", let me hear it. I can't think of a better alternative at the moment.
And if someone might have a good alternative for "Instructions from an Altmer", let me hear it. I can't think of a better alternative at the moment.
Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus.
[url=http://www.freegamesviking.com/]Getting bored?[/url]
[url=http://www.freegamesviking.com/]Getting bored?[/url]
You might consider the quests completed but I have kind of a feeling that the second quest is just too dull and boring... :-/
Anyhow. Could someone test it cause other people might discover an error since I already know the conditions for the dialogue, etc. while testing.
I'll only be able to work on it tomorrow since I'll leave Friday morning for a 10-day camping trip.
Anyhow. Could someone test it cause other people might discover an error since I already know the conditions for the dialogue, etc. while testing.
I'll only be able to work on it tomorrow since I'll leave Friday morning for a 10-day camping trip.
Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus.
[url=http://www.freegamesviking.com/]Getting bored?[/url]
[url=http://www.freegamesviking.com/]Getting bored?[/url]
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arvisrend
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Plays well, although occasionally the dialogue is a bit rough. Some random remarks:
Different nobles have their replies to "Clibergus' ledger" chosen randomly from the same set of generic replies. This is annoying and immersion-breaking. It's our fault that the nobles don't have characters, though.
Circus' reply which completes the Clibergus' ledger quest should also contain some pointer of the sort "if you need more orders, ask me" or anything else containing the word "order" and suggesting to the player that this wasn't the last quest he will get from Circus.
After both quests are done, Circus should have an "orders" reply which suggests the player talk to Laalalvo.
Different nobles have their replies to "Clibergus' ledger" chosen randomly from the same set of generic replies. This is annoying and immersion-breaking. It's our fault that the nobles don't have characters, though.
Circus' reply which completes the Clibergus' ledger quest should also contain some pointer of the sort "if you need more orders, ask me" or anything else containing the word "order" and suggesting to the player that this wasn't the last quest he will get from Circus.
After both quests are done, Circus should have an "orders" reply which suggests the player talk to Laalalvo.
Changed some of the dialogue as you suggested.
For the nobles' response: I have a couple of dialogues that are specifically for npc's with the class "noble" which should be sufficient?
For the nobles' response: I have a couple of dialogues that are specifically for npc's with the class "noble" which should be sufficient?
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- TR_q2-28-Imp_Zobator.esp
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arvisrend
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Well, a reply like this
I'm terribly sorry but I honestly don't know where the man's book might be. He visited me not long ago but I'd swear he still had his book when he left.
cannot be given by more than one NPC. It is way too personal for that. Instead of Random-conditioning the replies, you should filter them on the cell ID (fortunately, almost every noble has his own cell; I recall only Vuvila Senim as being an exception). Random100 is best used for generic replies which don't have any personal style nor speak of concrete experiences of their utterer.
Just give a separate reply to that topic to one noble of each family, and some "go speak with X" replies to everyone else in their manors (with X being the person who knows better). Once you're done and q2-27 is merged into the mainland, I'll add some additional replies for the case when the player has messed up the last q2-27 quest (nobles should behave more hostile then); I'll also care to make the quests avaliable only when they should be.
BTW I'm not sure if a noble would really "swear" in front of an outlander. Most of the replies should be more defensive. What is the player insinuating when he dares imply a noble in the disappearance of that ledger?
I assume somebody will be putting lots of commas into your dialogue, but it won't be me until I have learned to do it right myself. What I can definitely tell you is that "Nice work %PCName" should be "Nice work, %PCName".
Please make it so that Circus has something to tell about "orders" all the time, not just when he has new orders for the player. Something along the lines of "I know this is not the most thrilling of jobs, but have you found Clibergus's ledger?" or "Your job is to get a package transported from Tomaril Manor. How are you faring with that?" (note that both times, the name of the respective topic should be a substring of the reply).
Now that I'm thinking of it, the other people at Tomaril Manor might also have a "package transport" or "Galdalior" topic so that the player wouldn't have to search the whole manor for Galdalior. There is no reason why this should be the harder part of the quest.
While the ledger being abstract seems quite OK to me, I would prefer the tr_m2_q_28_2_geras_mine_orders book to have some alibi content. I have no idea what it should be, though.
One more thing: The quest names should start with "Fighters Guild:".
I'm terribly sorry but I honestly don't know where the man's book might be. He visited me not long ago but I'd swear he still had his book when he left.
cannot be given by more than one NPC. It is way too personal for that. Instead of Random-conditioning the replies, you should filter them on the cell ID (fortunately, almost every noble has his own cell; I recall only Vuvila Senim as being an exception). Random100 is best used for generic replies which don't have any personal style nor speak of concrete experiences of their utterer.
Just give a separate reply to that topic to one noble of each family, and some "go speak with X" replies to everyone else in their manors (with X being the person who knows better). Once you're done and q2-27 is merged into the mainland, I'll add some additional replies for the case when the player has messed up the last q2-27 quest (nobles should behave more hostile then); I'll also care to make the quests avaliable only when they should be.
BTW I'm not sure if a noble would really "swear" in front of an outlander. Most of the replies should be more defensive. What is the player insinuating when he dares imply a noble in the disappearance of that ledger?
I assume somebody will be putting lots of commas into your dialogue, but it won't be me until I have learned to do it right myself. What I can definitely tell you is that "Nice work %PCName" should be "Nice work, %PCName".
Please make it so that Circus has something to tell about "orders" all the time, not just when he has new orders for the player. Something along the lines of "I know this is not the most thrilling of jobs, but have you found Clibergus's ledger?" or "Your job is to get a package transported from Tomaril Manor. How are you faring with that?" (note that both times, the name of the respective topic should be a substring of the reply).
Now that I'm thinking of it, the other people at Tomaril Manor might also have a "package transport" or "Galdalior" topic so that the player wouldn't have to search the whole manor for Galdalior. There is no reason why this should be the harder part of the quest.
While the ledger being abstract seems quite OK to me, I would prefer the tr_m2_q_28_2_geras_mine_orders book to have some alibi content. I have no idea what it should be, though.
One more thing: The quest names should start with "Fighters Guild:".
I did as you advised.
I do overuse commas in Dutch (caused by my classic schooling) so in English I often use them not often enough as a counter-reaction or something.
There might still be some grammatical mistakes in it but that's for my next TR-session.
I do overuse commas in Dutch (caused by my classic schooling) so in English I often use them not often enough as a counter-reaction or something.
There might still be some grammatical mistakes in it but that's for my next TR-session.
Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus.
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arvisrend
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Sorry, I wanted to do a complete review today, but I got only that far:
Relas Aravel's reply to "Clibergus's ledger" is out of character. He neither should be "terribly sorry" nor "swear" (compare to his other replies). Try this:
"Whatever you are implying, I don't know more than you about it. Clibergus was apparently set to annoy every single person of influence here in town, so there are many places where it might have been lost."
That shouldn't have a disposition condition.
The answer by TR_m2_Ainab Guls should be conditioned on his quest ("Character Flaw") being complete; otherwise you should get a rant. Have you played that quest? You should, as Ainab Guls is one of the few people in Akamora who already has a nontrivial amount of dialogue written for him, and you should build on that.
These two replies:
"Rolam Salenith bought a set of silverware from Clibergus Celata. If someone could help you, it's Rolam."
and
"Novas Senim bought a pair of shoes from Clibergus Celata. If someone could help you, it's Novas."
sound too similar. Try changing the wording a bit more.
There are some typos and grammar mistakes ("didn't even had"), but don't let them worry you; we'll get rid of them easily.
Don't be fooled, most of your edits are very good.
Relas Aravel's reply to "Clibergus's ledger" is out of character. He neither should be "terribly sorry" nor "swear" (compare to his other replies). Try this:
"Whatever you are implying, I don't know more than you about it. Clibergus was apparently set to annoy every single person of influence here in town, so there are many places where it might have been lost."
That shouldn't have a disposition condition.
The answer by TR_m2_Ainab Guls should be conditioned on his quest ("Character Flaw") being complete; otherwise you should get a rant. Have you played that quest? You should, as Ainab Guls is one of the few people in Akamora who already has a nontrivial amount of dialogue written for him, and you should build on that.
These two replies:
"Rolam Salenith bought a set of silverware from Clibergus Celata. If someone could help you, it's Rolam."
and
"Novas Senim bought a pair of shoes from Clibergus Celata. If someone could help you, it's Novas."
sound too similar. Try changing the wording a bit more.
There are some typos and grammar mistakes ("didn't even had"), but don't let them worry you; we'll get rid of them easily.
Don't be fooled, most of your edits are very good.
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arvisrend
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- Location: substitutional world
Don't sweat it, Zobator: this claim isn't a bottleneck.
Second part of the review (still not complete):
Book tr_m2_q_28_2_geras_mine_orders really should have some content. I am thinking of the following: The package you have to deliver consists not only of the orders, but also of a spellbook (TR_bk_AdventuresEnd) for the Cure Common Disease on Touch spell. The kwama in the eggmine have been healed from a disease not long ago (using up the healing scrolls they had). The orders are like this:
"Miras,
I heard of your success at curing the colony--good news, even if I had wished that the issue never had arisen. For the future, here is a book that should be of use. Superficially it is an entertaining read, if somewhat shallow. If you are intelligent enough to read between the lines, however--as you are, or at least you should be, it reveals a spell that cures common disease. It's not that we are running out of scrolls, but this is a faster and more effective way of dealing with these infections. That said, it's best to not have them happen in the first place. Watch out for your foragers when they come back from their sallies and better cure them preventively.
Good luck, G."
Please make sure that Miros has a dialogue reply for the case when the player has the orders with him but not the book, and please mention the name of the book in the journal so that the player won't have to search for a needle in a haystack if he decides to drop the book somewhere (and can procure a second copy if he loses it).
-----------------------------------------------
NOTES TO MYSELF FOR AFTER-MERGE:
Miros doesn't have the intelligence required to learn that spell from that book (Galdalior is being arrogant again). Raise his intelligence a bit, to 56 or something. He will still not have the int required but at least he will realize it's a spellbook. Add an easter-egg possibility to fortify Miros' int by spell, to which he will react by rewarding the player with some Kwama eggs.
EDIT: also add different behavior for nobles depending on q2-27 results.
also add different replies for Laalalvo depending on q2-27 results.
also ensure quests cannot be started too early.
Second part of the review (still not complete):
Book tr_m2_q_28_2_geras_mine_orders really should have some content. I am thinking of the following: The package you have to deliver consists not only of the orders, but also of a spellbook (TR_bk_AdventuresEnd) for the Cure Common Disease on Touch spell. The kwama in the eggmine have been healed from a disease not long ago (using up the healing scrolls they had). The orders are like this:
"Miras,
I heard of your success at curing the colony--good news, even if I had wished that the issue never had arisen. For the future, here is a book that should be of use. Superficially it is an entertaining read, if somewhat shallow. If you are intelligent enough to read between the lines, however--as you are, or at least you should be, it reveals a spell that cures common disease. It's not that we are running out of scrolls, but this is a faster and more effective way of dealing with these infections. That said, it's best to not have them happen in the first place. Watch out for your foragers when they come back from their sallies and better cure them preventively.
Good luck, G."
Please make sure that Miros has a dialogue reply for the case when the player has the orders with him but not the book, and please mention the name of the book in the journal so that the player won't have to search for a needle in a haystack if he decides to drop the book somewhere (and can procure a second copy if he loses it).
-----------------------------------------------
NOTES TO MYSELF FOR AFTER-MERGE:
Miros doesn't have the intelligence required to learn that spell from that book (Galdalior is being arrogant again). Raise his intelligence a bit, to 56 or something. He will still not have the int required but at least he will realize it's a spellbook. Add an easter-egg possibility to fortify Miros' int by spell, to which he will react by rewarding the player with some Kwama eggs.
EDIT: also add different behavior for nobles depending on q2-27 results.
also add different replies for Laalalvo depending on q2-27 results.
also ensure quests cannot be started too early.
Last edited by arvisrend on Mon Aug 27, 2012 12:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I've done everything (I think) you've said in your review. I copied the instructions you wrote since I thought they were very well written and fitted right into the personality I tried to create for Galdalior.
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arvisrend
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Great! Here's a proper review:
I1. The topic "Clibergus' ledger" needs a few more replies. First, a reply conditioned on Faction TR_FightersGuild (or however it's called) and Not ID Circus Leonos, along the lines of "Noone in the Guild knows any more than what our client told us. Do your own investigations, ask around in town.". Second, a reply conditioned on ID Flaalsa Irano, along the lines of "I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and the Guild with this. In better times this would be a job for us, the guard, but much more serious work is pressing us these days." (At the moment, her reply is the standard rude reply that any guard gives; this is out of place, since she is the sister of the FG steward.) Possibly, add a different reply for Laalalvo Irano (then, also condition the Fighters Guild catch-all reply to Not ID Laalalvo Irano); something along these lines: "This mission being too subtle for Circus, I told him to cede it to you. Get yourself acquainted with the nobles in town, be polite and suave. Use your persuasion skills with prudence. The impression you make is ultimately more important than your success at finding the book." (This is for the case when the player did the slave quest in Laalalvo's sense. The other cases I'll edit in once q2-27 is merged.)
I2. You still have some copypaste replies. You've done some work to cover them up, but the player is not easily fooled:
I3. You got yourself confused :)
I5. Miros should take the book, not just the instructions.
I6.
I7. This reply:
I8. This reply:
I9. In journal TR_m2_FG_Leonos2 stage 20, the sentence
"Due to the recent Dridrea infestation Galdalior thought it would be safer to send someone of the Fighters Guild to deliver a book named An Adventure's End along with the instructions to the miners at the Geras Egg Mine."
is a bit scrambled. What about this:
"Due to the recent Dridrea infestation, Galdalior deemed it safer to send someone of the Fighters Guild with the package to Geras Egg Mine. The package contains a book named An Adventure's End along with instructions."
I10. More copypasta:
I1. The topic "Clibergus' ledger" needs a few more replies. First, a reply conditioned on Faction TR_FightersGuild (or however it's called) and Not ID Circus Leonos, along the lines of "Noone in the Guild knows any more than what our client told us. Do your own investigations, ask around in town.". Second, a reply conditioned on ID Flaalsa Irano, along the lines of "I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and the Guild with this. In better times this would be a job for us, the guard, but much more serious work is pressing us these days." (At the moment, her reply is the standard rude reply that any guard gives; this is out of place, since she is the sister of the FG steward.) Possibly, add a different reply for Laalalvo Irano (then, also condition the Fighters Guild catch-all reply to Not ID Laalalvo Irano); something along these lines: "This mission being too subtle for Circus, I told him to cede it to you. Get yourself acquainted with the nobles in town, be polite and suave. Use your persuasion skills with prudence. The impression you make is ultimately more important than your success at finding the book." (This is for the case when the player did the slave quest in Laalalvo's sense. The other cases I'll edit in once q2-27 is merged.)
I2. You still have some copypaste replies. You've done some work to cover them up, but the player is not easily fooled:
(BTW, "didn't had" is wrong grammar.)Record: INFO "314731225443832732" (Topic:clibergus's ledger) Flags:0x0000 ()
INAM: ID:314731225443832732
PNAM: Prev_ID:21106195012791620993
NNAM: Next_ID:285812641104818008
DATA: Disposition:50 Rank:None Sex:None PC_Rank:None
ONAM: Actor:TR_m2_Guvon Telomas
NAME: Response:
I showed him the way out as soon as he entered Telomas Manor. The bad reputation of his wares preceded him so I didn't let him waste my time. I don't know anything about his financial ledger since I didn't even had a proper conversation with the man.
*SCVR: Index:0 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(>=) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:10
*SCVR: Index:1 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(<) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:30
Record: INFO "285812641104818008" (Topic:clibergus's ledger) Flags:0x0000 ()
INAM: ID:285812641104818008
PNAM: Prev_ID:314731225443832732
NNAM: Next_ID:12402135243106817727
DATA: Disposition:50 Rank:None Sex:None PC_Rank:None
ANAM: Cell:Akamora, Telomas Manor
NAME: Response:
Guvon Telomas showed him the door as soon as he entered the manor so I didn't even have the time to properly greet the man. Talk to Guvon if you want to know anything else.
*SCVR: Index:0 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(>=) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:10
*SCVR: Index:1 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(<) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:30
I3. You got yourself confused :)
I4.Record: INFO "2583519880255577879" (Topic:clibergus's ledger) Flags:0x0000 ()
INAM: ID:2583519880255577879
PNAM: Prev_ID:148492804813210963
NNAM: Next_ID:1031617046172129856
DATA: Disposition:50 Rank:None Sex:None PC_Rank:None
ONAM: Actor:TR_m2_Llerar Arenim
CNAM: Class:Noble
NAME: Response:
I wish I could help but I'm afraid I can't. He hasn't even visited this manor yet.
*SCVR: Index:0 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(>=) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:10
*SCVR: Index:1 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(<) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:30
Record: INFO "1031617046172129856" (Topic:clibergus's ledger) Flags:0x0000 ()
INAM: ID:1031617046172129856
PNAM: Prev_ID:2583519880255577879
NNAM: Next_ID:190982321699229155
DATA: Disposition:50 Rank:None Sex:None PC_Rank:None
ANAM: Cell:Akamora, Arenim Manor
NAME: Response:
Clibergus Celata did business with Llerar Arenim, not with me.
*SCVR: Index:0 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(>=) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:10
*SCVR: Index:1 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(<) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:30
The first mistake is a missing whitespace. The second is that Galdalior should explicitly tell you to bring not only the instructions but also the book. (This will probably need another "continue".)Record: INFO "180971465087304891" (Topic:package transport) Flags:0x0000 ()
INAM: ID:180971465087304891
PNAM: Prev_ID:2784330716164352392
NNAM: Next_ID:515215601121826237
DATA: Disposition:0 Rank:None Sex:None PC_Rank:None
ONAM: Actor:TR_S_m2_Galdalior
NAME: Response:
I would send someone of the household but with the recent Dridrea infection it seemed wise to hire a fighter like you. I hope you make up your lack for being on time with your sword skills.The mine is located in the Sacred Lands East of Tomaril Manor. East of the mine runs a road between Sailen and Hlersis so if you reach the road you've passed it. Once you've reached the mine give these instructions to the miner named Miros. That's all you have to do. You think you can remember all of that? Now, get going!
*SCVR: Index:0 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(=) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos2
INTV: Compare_Value:10
*SCVR: Index:1 Type:(Function) Function:(Choice) Comparison:(=) Name:
INTV: Compare_Value:1
BNAM: Result: Player->AddItem, "TR_m2_q_28_2_Geras_Mine_Orders", 1
Player->AddItem, "TR_bk_AdventuresEnd", 1
Journal TR_m2_FG_Leonos2 20
Record
I5. Miros should take the book, not just the instructions.
I6.
You are looking for the word "lose".Record: INFO "12144183511887610115" (Topic:clibergus's ledger) Flags:0x0000 ()
INAM: ID:12144183511887610115
PNAM: Prev_ID:2693821458972114046
NNAM: Next_ID:10120106821572319541
DATA: Disposition:50 Rank:None Sex:None PC_Rank:None
ONAM: Actor:TR_m2_Seras Indaren
NAME: Response:
Yes, if I recall correctly he had some kind of large book with him when he visited me. That must've been the ledger you're referring to. Unfortunately for you I have no idea where it might have ended up. Kind of an achievement to loose an item with such proportions if you ask me though.
*SCVR: Index:0 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(>=) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:10
*SCVR: Index:1 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(<) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:30
I7. This reply:
should not be conditioned on disposition. Nor should be the reply by TR_M2_Relas Aravel.Record: INFO "913610860263798255" (Topic:clibergus's ledger) Flags:0x0000 ()
INAM: ID:913610860263798255
PNAM: Prev_ID:57372144572622124
NNAM: Next_ID:592447131099931264
DATA: Disposition:50 Rank:None Sex:None PC_Rank:None
ONAM: Actor:TR_m2_Ainab Guls
NAME: Response: Mind your own business you guar-minded idiot!
*SCVR: Index:0 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(>=) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:10
*SCVR: Index:1 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(<) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:30
*SCVR: Index:2 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(<) Name:TR_m2_ak_flaw
INTV: Compare_Value:40
I8. This reply:
should not be disposition-conditioned, I think (he should be helpful if you helped him either way). Also, replace the condition "journal TR_m2_ak_flaw > 40" by "journal TR_m2_ak_flaw >= 40", or else he offers the wrong response on stage 40. (Stage 40 is when you have taken away the amulet but not yet told Fasele about it.)Record: INFO "592447131099931264" (Topic:clibergus's ledger) Flags:0x0000 ()
INAM: ID:592447131099931264
PNAM: Prev_ID:913610860263798255
NNAM: Next_ID:2693821458972114046
DATA: Disposition:50 Rank:None Sex:None PC_Rank:None
ONAM: Actor:TR_m2_Ainab Guls
NAME: Response:
I do remember that he had a pretty big book with him when he visited me to sell his wares. Sounds kind of strange one would lose an object with such importance out of sight. You know how that sounds to me? It sounds like a prank to me and I know exactly the person who would find amusement in pranks like that. I think it might be wise to ask Daryos Varen down at Varen Manor if he has any idea where that ledger might be.
*SCVR: Index:0 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(>=) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:10
*SCVR: Index:1 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(<) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:30
*SCVR: Index:2 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(>) Name:TR_m2_ak_flaw
INTV: Compare_Value:40
I9. In journal TR_m2_FG_Leonos2 stage 20, the sentence
"Due to the recent Dridrea infestation Galdalior thought it would be safer to send someone of the Fighters Guild to deliver a book named An Adventure's End along with the instructions to the miners at the Geras Egg Mine."
is a bit scrambled. What about this:
"Due to the recent Dridrea infestation, Galdalior deemed it safer to send someone of the Fighters Guild with the package to Geras Egg Mine. The package contains a book named An Adventure's End along with instructions."
I10. More copypasta:
You even forgot to change silverware into shoes. If you ask me, replace the Senim part altogether. Also, another use of "nice" that makes even less sense than above:Record: INFO "112135391320018010" (Topic:clibergus's ledger) Flags:0x0000 ()
INAM: ID:112135391320018010
PNAM: Prev_ID:18660132853245925893
NNAM: Next_ID:2433320460308484878
DATA: Disposition:50 Rank:None Sex:None PC_Rank:None
ONAM: Actor:TR_m2_Rolam Salenith
NAME: Response:
I bought a nice set of silverware from him not so long ago. That set of silverware is the only thing he left behind though, so I don't have his financial ledger.
*SCVR: Index:0 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(>=) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:10
*SCVR: Index:1 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(<) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:30
Record: INFO "2433320460308484878" (Topic:clibergus's ledger) Flags:0x0000 ()
INAM: ID:2433320460308484878
PNAM: Prev_ID:112135391320018010
NNAM: Next_ID:398921485456632179
DATA: Disposition:50 Rank:None Sex:None PC_Rank:None
ANAM: Cell:Akamora, Salenith Manor
NAME: Response:
Rolam Salenith bought a set of silverware from Clibergus Celata. If someone could help you, it's Rolam.
*SCVR: Index:0 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(>=) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:10
*SCVR: Index:1 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(<) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:30
Record: INFO "398921485456632179" (Topic:clibergus's ledger) Flags:0x0000 ()
INAM: ID:398921485456632179
PNAM: Prev_ID:2433320460308484878
NNAM: Next_ID:21106195012791620993
DATA: Disposition:50 Rank:None Sex:None PC_Rank:None
ONAM: Actor:TR_m2_Novas Senim
NAME: Response:
I did buy this nice pair of shoes from him. I didn't buy anything else from him though and as far as I remember he indeed carried a large book with him. He still had it with him when he left though.
*SCVR: Index:0 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(>=) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:10
*SCVR: Index:1 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(<) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:30
Record: INFO "21106195012791620993" (Topic:clibergus's ledger) Flags:0x0000 ()
INAM: ID:21106195012791620993
PNAM: Prev_ID:398921485456632179
NNAM: Next_ID:314731225443832732
DATA: Disposition:50 Rank:None Sex:None PC_Rank:None
ANAM: Cell:Akamora, Senim Manor
NAME: Response:
Novas Senim has recently bought a new set of silverware. I believe he bought them from Clibergus Celata, so if anyone in here could help you it's him.
*SCVR: Index:0 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(>=) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:10
*SCVR: Index:1 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(<) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:30
Other than these things, well-done! I'll add in some things when q2-27 is merged, but you don't have to care about that (I want to have some choices-and-consequences going on, but until q2-27 is in the mainland file, there is no way to find out from q2-28 what choices the player has made in the previous quests). Someone else will fix the grammar, because if I do, it will be a bit better but still not perfect.Record: INFO "12402135243106817727" (Topic:clibergus's ledger) Flags:0x0000 ()
INAM: ID:12402135243106817727
PNAM: Prev_ID:285812641104818008
NNAM: Next_ID:2425310133057630447
DATA: Disposition:50 Rank:None Sex:None PC_Rank:None
ONAM: Actor:TR_m2_Alanil Veri
NAME: Response:
The only book he left behind here is a nice copy of The Book of Dawn and Dusk. I have no clue where is financial ledger might be though.
*SCVR: Index:0 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(>=) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:10
*SCVR: Index:1 Type:(Journal) Function:(Journal_Type) Comparison:(<) Name:TR_m2_FG_Leonos1
INTV: Compare_Value:30
I checked out Arvis review and indeed he took a very good look at everything. I guess the quests are at about 100% finished now. The only thing that still needs to be done is grammar correction by an english native speaker I guess?
Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus.
[url=http://www.freegamesviking.com/]Getting bored?[/url]
[url=http://www.freegamesviking.com/]Getting bored?[/url]
-
arvisrend
- Lead Developer
- Posts: 1971
- Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2010 11:39 am
- Location: substitutional world
The following notes are my post-merge to-do list. [EDIT: done] Zobator, you've done very well; all that's wrong now are minor details easily fixed.
- Add period at the end of
"If there's anyone in the Guild who knows more than I do, it would be Circus Leonos. But since he doesn't know more than the client told him and he told you everything he knows I suggest you take your investigation to the streets of Akamora"
- Make some stylistic changes to Laalalvo's Clibergus's ledger reply to make it similar to her q2-27 replies (also, "realy" is a typo). (Just replace by my original proposal; it fits Laalalvo's style better.)
- Guvon Telomas's reply is still a tad too similar to his servants's; this is an easy fix now.
- Typo "arived".
- "hen" should be "he" in "I'm sorry but I have no idea where that book might be. I'm sure he still had it when hen left the manor. You might ask Telara Parys though. I saw Clibergus Celata enter her manor a while after his visit to me."
- Also, "belive".
- WTF is an original copy? "The only book he left behind here is an original copy of The Book of Dawn and Dusk. I have no clue where is financial ledger might be though." (No need for an adjective here, in fact.)
- Add different behavior for nobles depending on q2-27 results.
Relas Aravel if you fucked up TR_m2_FG_Amiro3 (by killing or freeing his slaves) (dispo less than 95): "Why do some work and search for the culprit when there are always some Dunmer to blame? The only thief here is you. Frankly, if the Guild's goal is to ensure that Imperials become undesirable aliens in Akamora, then you are doing a good job once again. No, I didn't take the book. What should I need it for? Leave now." [moddisposition -10]
anyone else in Aravel Manor (no slaves) if you fucked up the quest: "Clibergus wasn't doing any business with me. It's Relas Aravel that you should be talking to. That said, after the 'help' you gave us and the Senim with the escaped slaves, you should not expect much in return."
Novas Senim if you freed the slaves (dispo less than 95): "I suggest you check out the Guilds. Outlanders make good thieves. And bad traders, incidentally." Goodbye [moddisposition -10]
Novas Senim if you killed the slaves (dispo less than 70): "Laalalvo Irano has not kicked you out yet? It seems that the Guilds are determined to collect all the scum that not even the Hlaalu would want. No, you won't get anywhere accusing every single client of Clibergus of theft. All you are doing is making sure that noone will want to trade with him again, lest he become a suspect for the Guild's moronic sleuths. I know, a simple thought, but one that must have eluded you so far." Goodbye [moddisposition -10]
anyone else (non-slave) in Senim Manor if you killed or freed the slaves: "With someone like you investigating this, I don't expect Clibergus to get hold of his ledger very soon. Still, if you are so determined, you can ask Novas -- it's him who has been dealing with Clibergus in this house."
Seras Indaren (dispo less than 80) if you created a false trail in Amiro3: "Should I be surprised that the Guild is sending someone known for forging evidence on a detective mission? I guess not." [moddisposition -10]
Alanil Veri (dispo less than 80) if you created a false trail in Amiro3: "Oh, is that the new ruse? First the slave key... 'accidentally' winding up in our mine, now a ledger that, no doubt, will someday surface in one of the houses of Akamora? Forgive me if I don't want to take part in this hoax. Now, get out." [moddisposition -10]
anyone else (non-slave) in Indaren or Veri manor if you freed the slaves: "You let an Argonian loose in Akamora and you are surprised things get stolen. There must be something mysterious about outlanders and their minds."
- Add different replies for Laalalvo depending on q2-27 results:
Laalalvo if you messed up Amiro3: "This is a way for you to mitigate at least some of the havoc you wreaked in the eggmines. And this time, there are no excuses for you to do it wrong. Ask around town, get to know people and be polite to the nobles. Be polite and suave. Use your persuasion skills with prudence. The impression you make is ultimately more important than your success at finding the book."
Laalalvo if you did Amiro3 right: "This mission being too subtle for Circus, I told him to cede it to you. Get yourself acquainted with the nobles in town, be polite and suave. Use your persuasion skills with prudence. The impression you make is ultimately more important than your success at finding the book."
- Ensure quests cannot be started too early.
- Miros doesn't have the intelligence required to learn that spell from that book (Galdalior is being arrogant again). Raise his intelligence a bit, to 56 or something. He will still not have the int required but at least he will realize it's a spellbook. Add an easter-egg possibility to fortify Miros' int by spell, to which he will react by rewarding the player with some Kwama eggs.
Miros after you give him the book: "[Miros opens the book and starts reading.] Hmm... A spellbook. Galdalior at his best, of course. The spell is not a difficult one, but the book is a tad beyond my level. Look, you don't know?... Anyway, nevermind. Thanks for the delivery, and I hope to make the best out of this stupid book."
Also, replace "to much trouble" by "too much trouble" in the preceding reply.
Once you raise his int from 56 to 60: "[Miros rushes to read the spellbook.] Thank you, %PCName! Galdalior's text finally revealed its spell to me. Which means that we're even now, Galdalior and me. I'm sorry I can't offer you anything valuable in exchange, but I can share what we produce... it's not like anyone will notice a dozen of these more or less? I heard Kwama cuttle can be made into waterwalking and waterbreathing potions; make of it what you want. And once again, you've got my thanks!" [player->additem ingred_kwama_cuttle_01 10]
- Laalalvo about "package transport" before you met Galdalior: "I trust this won't be too hard for you. Just make sure you approach the proper people with the respect they deserve. A slave to the Tomaril is more than a slave and should not be treated as such."
- Laalalvo about "package transport" after you met Galdalior: "Hmm. It seems that Galdalior did not bother to show you a way to the mine. Do you have a slowfall amulet? You could jump down the cliffs to the east from Tomaril Manor and then make your way through the forest until you reach a road. Or, probably much better, take the strider to Sailen."
- Add period at the end of
"If there's anyone in the Guild who knows more than I do, it would be Circus Leonos. But since he doesn't know more than the client told him and he told you everything he knows I suggest you take your investigation to the streets of Akamora"
- Make some stylistic changes to Laalalvo's Clibergus's ledger reply to make it similar to her q2-27 replies (also, "realy" is a typo). (Just replace by my original proposal; it fits Laalalvo's style better.)
- Guvon Telomas's reply is still a tad too similar to his servants's; this is an easy fix now.
- Typo "arived".
- "hen" should be "he" in "I'm sorry but I have no idea where that book might be. I'm sure he still had it when hen left the manor. You might ask Telara Parys though. I saw Clibergus Celata enter her manor a while after his visit to me."
- Also, "belive".
- WTF is an original copy? "The only book he left behind here is an original copy of The Book of Dawn and Dusk. I have no clue where is financial ledger might be though." (No need for an adjective here, in fact.)
- Add different behavior for nobles depending on q2-27 results.
Relas Aravel if you fucked up TR_m2_FG_Amiro3 (by killing or freeing his slaves) (dispo less than 95): "Why do some work and search for the culprit when there are always some Dunmer to blame? The only thief here is you. Frankly, if the Guild's goal is to ensure that Imperials become undesirable aliens in Akamora, then you are doing a good job once again. No, I didn't take the book. What should I need it for? Leave now." [moddisposition -10]
anyone else in Aravel Manor (no slaves) if you fucked up the quest: "Clibergus wasn't doing any business with me. It's Relas Aravel that you should be talking to. That said, after the 'help' you gave us and the Senim with the escaped slaves, you should not expect much in return."
Novas Senim if you freed the slaves (dispo less than 95): "I suggest you check out the Guilds. Outlanders make good thieves. And bad traders, incidentally." Goodbye [moddisposition -10]
Novas Senim if you killed the slaves (dispo less than 70): "Laalalvo Irano has not kicked you out yet? It seems that the Guilds are determined to collect all the scum that not even the Hlaalu would want. No, you won't get anywhere accusing every single client of Clibergus of theft. All you are doing is making sure that noone will want to trade with him again, lest he become a suspect for the Guild's moronic sleuths. I know, a simple thought, but one that must have eluded you so far." Goodbye [moddisposition -10]
anyone else (non-slave) in Senim Manor if you killed or freed the slaves: "With someone like you investigating this, I don't expect Clibergus to get hold of his ledger very soon. Still, if you are so determined, you can ask Novas -- it's him who has been dealing with Clibergus in this house."
Seras Indaren (dispo less than 80) if you created a false trail in Amiro3: "Should I be surprised that the Guild is sending someone known for forging evidence on a detective mission? I guess not." [moddisposition -10]
Alanil Veri (dispo less than 80) if you created a false trail in Amiro3: "Oh, is that the new ruse? First the slave key... 'accidentally' winding up in our mine, now a ledger that, no doubt, will someday surface in one of the houses of Akamora? Forgive me if I don't want to take part in this hoax. Now, get out." [moddisposition -10]
anyone else (non-slave) in Indaren or Veri manor if you freed the slaves: "You let an Argonian loose in Akamora and you are surprised things get stolen. There must be something mysterious about outlanders and their minds."
- Add different replies for Laalalvo depending on q2-27 results:
Laalalvo if you messed up Amiro3: "This is a way for you to mitigate at least some of the havoc you wreaked in the eggmines. And this time, there are no excuses for you to do it wrong. Ask around town, get to know people and be polite to the nobles. Be polite and suave. Use your persuasion skills with prudence. The impression you make is ultimately more important than your success at finding the book."
Laalalvo if you did Amiro3 right: "This mission being too subtle for Circus, I told him to cede it to you. Get yourself acquainted with the nobles in town, be polite and suave. Use your persuasion skills with prudence. The impression you make is ultimately more important than your success at finding the book."
- Ensure quests cannot be started too early.
- Miros doesn't have the intelligence required to learn that spell from that book (Galdalior is being arrogant again). Raise his intelligence a bit, to 56 or something. He will still not have the int required but at least he will realize it's a spellbook. Add an easter-egg possibility to fortify Miros' int by spell, to which he will react by rewarding the player with some Kwama eggs.
Miros after you give him the book: "[Miros opens the book and starts reading.] Hmm... A spellbook. Galdalior at his best, of course. The spell is not a difficult one, but the book is a tad beyond my level. Look, you don't know?... Anyway, nevermind. Thanks for the delivery, and I hope to make the best out of this stupid book."
Also, replace "to much trouble" by "too much trouble" in the preceding reply.
Once you raise his int from 56 to 60: "[Miros rushes to read the spellbook.] Thank you, %PCName! Galdalior's text finally revealed its spell to me. Which means that we're even now, Galdalior and me. I'm sorry I can't offer you anything valuable in exchange, but I can share what we produce... it's not like anyone will notice a dozen of these more or less? I heard Kwama cuttle can be made into waterwalking and waterbreathing potions; make of it what you want. And once again, you've got my thanks!" [player->additem ingred_kwama_cuttle_01 10]
- Laalalvo about "package transport" before you met Galdalior: "I trust this won't be too hard for you. Just make sure you approach the proper people with the respect they deserve. A slave to the Tomaril is more than a slave and should not be treated as such."
- Laalalvo about "package transport" after you met Galdalior: "Hmm. It seems that Galdalior did not bother to show you a way to the mine. Do you have a slowfall amulet? You could jump down the cliffs to the east from Tomaril Manor and then make your way through the forest until you reach a road. Or, probably much better, take the strider to Sailen."
Last edited by arvisrend on Tue Oct 09, 2012 6:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
"If there's anyone in the Guild who knows more than I do, it would be Circus Leonos. But since he doesn't know more than the client told him and he told you everything he knows I suggest you take your investigation to the streets of Akamora"
This is a weird sentence if you ask me, simplify it somewhat.
Replace "an original copy" with "a copy" or something like that, I don't like the idea of a first edition Book of Dawn and Dusk.
"Why do some work and search for the culprit when there are always some Dunmer to blame?..." I'd remove the "do some work and" part.
"You let an Argonian loose in Akamora and you are surprised things get stolen. There must be something mysterious about outlanders and their minds." Khajiit, maybe, instead of Argonian? Or slaves, in general?
"This is a way for you to mitigate at least some of the havoc you wreaked in the eggmines. And this time, there are no excuses for you to do it wrong. Ask around town, get to know people and be polite to the nobles. Be polite and suave. Use your persuasion skills with prudence. The impression you make is ultimately more important than your success at finding the book." Suave sounds out of place, try humble?
"A slave to the Tomaril is more than a slave and should not be treated as such." This sentence is a bit strange too, try something like, "This slave seems to be a valuable servant of Lord Tomaril and shouldn't be treated like any other slave." Though I'm not really happy with that either, so feel free to improve upon it.
Other than that, good dialog!
This is a weird sentence if you ask me, simplify it somewhat.
Replace "an original copy" with "a copy" or something like that, I don't like the idea of a first edition Book of Dawn and Dusk.
"Why do some work and search for the culprit when there are always some Dunmer to blame?..." I'd remove the "do some work and" part.
"You let an Argonian loose in Akamora and you are surprised things get stolen. There must be something mysterious about outlanders and their minds." Khajiit, maybe, instead of Argonian? Or slaves, in general?
"This is a way for you to mitigate at least some of the havoc you wreaked in the eggmines. And this time, there are no excuses for you to do it wrong. Ask around town, get to know people and be polite to the nobles. Be polite and suave. Use your persuasion skills with prudence. The impression you make is ultimately more important than your success at finding the book." Suave sounds out of place, try humble?
"A slave to the Tomaril is more than a slave and should not be treated as such." This sentence is a bit strange too, try something like, "This slave seems to be a valuable servant of Lord Tomaril and shouldn't be treated like any other slave." Though I'm not really happy with that either, so feel free to improve upon it.
Other than that, good dialog!
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arvisrend
- Lead Developer
- Posts: 1971
- Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2010 11:39 am
- Location: substitutional world
Here's the file after I've done all I wanted to do on it. Not really tested! Anyone who wishes can playtest it now with the newest masterfile.
@Why (or any other reviewer): please review it again. My apologies for this; I've added more text than I planned to, and I also had to change some of the conditions to reflect the logic of Amiro3 (which I got wrong last time).
From your suggestions, I've implemented all except this:
@Why (or any other reviewer): please review it again. My apologies for this; I've added more text than I planned to, and I also had to change some of the conditions to reflect the logic of Amiro3 (which I got wrong last time).
From your suggestions, I've implemented all except this:
I find my sentence more succinct (and it's more about Tomaril than about the slave; the subtext is "Tomaril is different", not "Galdalior is different"). But if you wish to change it, feel free to.Why wrote:"A slave to the Tomaril is more than a slave and should not be treated as such." This sentence is a bit strange too, try something like, "This slave seems to be a valuable servant of Lord Tomaril and shouldn't be treated like any other slave." Though I'm not really happy with that either, so feel free to improve upon it.
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- TR_q2-28-Imp_Zobator_8.esp
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