Greetings Aureant

I took a look at your showcase and found a lot of irregularities in terms of style and questing convention that should be addressed.

Please look over the dialogue guidelines and try to internalize it as much as possible. https://wiki.project-tamriel.com/wiki/Writing_and_Dialogue_Guidelines#Di...

Major

• A lot of the dialogue comes across as very stilted and unnatural.
  • "Yes. I’m a Telvanni. The truest of Telvanni. Fast on my way to the top you see? I’m apprenticed to a well respected Spellwright, Rivas Andalen, well. The thing is, my brother has just died. Murdered actually. I wasn’t able to go to the internment. It’s a bit unseemly for an aspiring Mage-lord such as myself. Family I mean. No good Telvanni would care... I honestly don’t care except, perhaps someone should lay an offering, maybe say a prayer for him or something."
    • There are 10 sentences in this dialogue block alone.
  • "Hmmm. Actually. You have helped me greatly. I'll just take my ring back if you please.  I have a reward for you. It is back in Sadrith Mora. If you will meet me back at the Council House I shall have it for you. I have some business with Dalyne and shall meet you there. Agreed?"
    • Same issue. Very stilted. And segmented. It sounds a bit weird. And needs to flow.
• Don't editorialize player's thoughts.
  • "I think Faleth wants me to meet Dralen at the Telvanni Council House."; "I don't know what Dralen thinks of himself, but he seems like a very good Telvanni to me." Neither of these are TR convention.
  • The player will think what they want, the journal is a book of facts (as much as possible).
  • These are just two example lines, but I see this mistake in more places than these in the dialogue.
• The player choice responses are very non-standard in places.
  • You have a few instances where the player is doing an action in the choice. As per the guidelines, this should be like [Give X the note.].
  • The choice "*You say that he prays for them and then you speak the phrase Dralen told you*" is both too long and fails that convention as well.
  • "He Continues" is both grammatically wrong and stylistically wrong. If you were out of space just use "Continue" but try to fit it all in one line.
  • These are a few examples, but again I see this mistake in more places than just these.
• I think you're trying a little bit too hard to tell a story. A showcase quest should feel like any other normal quest in the game. You don't need to go above and beyond to tell a compelling family drama - just show me what you can do. I appreciate the passion and can tell what kinds of quests you *want* to write (and can write in the future) but for now just focus on making the dialogue sound natural and make sure everything works as intended.

Minor

• You have a few weird apostrophes (see journal index 20) that display wrong in-game. This usually happens from copy/pasting dialogue.
• Internment =/= Interment, but I would just say burial instead
• Minor grammatical errors (a  few  double  spaces that should be addressed as well)

If you are willing to fix these errors and redo the dialogue to fit these style/quality conventions then I can continue the review.