Bones of Hlur'Matta

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Templar Tribe's picture
Templar Tribe
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Added to Asset Browser -10Kaziem

This is a proposal piece to depict how the Dres may utilize their dead differently from the other Dunmer, who use bonemeal for their dead. I imagine the bones of the dead used to an effect almost like rock balancing (https://www.google.com/search?q=rock+balancing&espv=2&biw=1440&bih=775&s...) and they may call them Bone Effigies or somesuch, which would play well with the Indoril Bonetending. The idea would be that these bone piles would be placed near dangerous ruins that were one temples, or perhaps they could be placed near Daedric ruins or even catacombs if the Dres end up using burial caverns like the Ashlanders. Another interesting proposal this piece depicts is that the Dres would not allow any slave labor to be used to build the Daedric temples (or the ancestral burials ala Ashlanders), and to this day they are not allowed to touch them. Either way, let me know your thoughts!

 

 

What is a body? What is the flesh? A simple network of bones and blood? Connections made through touch, smell, sight, sound, and taste? No, the Ancestors have taught us that there is much more to a body than that. Within each body is a temple, an oratory. We breathe as we live, we shed tears as we grieve, and we bleed as we survive. The embodiment of these things, that is where the root of our being resides. The EMBODIMENT of a body. 

Many questions are asked throughout life, and the answers only come to us in the precious last few moments we stride the salts. A sanctimonious offering to the Ancestors for the knowledge they have given us; we offer them our temples in return for theirs. We frame and carve and cleave at the silken stone to bellow the dirge of our thanks in the massive halls that carry our voices to the skies; so we build the temples with throats. We fashion and adorn and decorate the altars with gems and candles made from the waxy carcasses of our Skyrenders; so we drape the temples in clothing. 

We plan and contrive and perceive and surmise as we cobble the statues that stand tall in the atriums; so we build the temples with minds. We offer and sacrifice and submit and nominate our faith to the statues and their altars; so we build the temples with life. Our temples are infinite. So what, again do you say, is a body? Could you ever dissect the truth of absolutes on an expedition for answers for which there was never birthed a question? Under the moons and beside the lakes we warden our possessions to farm the land; but their hands will never touch the vestibules of our Ancestors. These are our sacred lands, our paradises within paradise. Tending these rituals is more taxing than tending the dirt could ever be, as we are constantly in a precarious correlation to the honor we can give and the honor the Ancestors deserve. 

But what, then, of our dead? Of those who made their way back to the Ancestors? The ashes of the dead can suffocate and fall in sheets from the sky. We instead chaperone the bones of our deceased, and shape them into cairns and effigies of power. The same temples that are built inside of us shall be erected from the earth and unto the endless void of the sky! This is the correlation that men and the Altmer do not understand, that they do not appreciate, that they cannot decipher. Seek these bones, these macabre motifs, and know that you are near our sublime abodes. Our dwellings may be forgotten to time and to mortal whim, but they still stand sound and deeply fastened into our history.

Tread lightly, brethren. And may the Hands guide you.

Gnomey's picture
Gnomey
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Excellent text. It certainly gave me a few ideas.smiley

 

“Within each body is a temple, an oratory.”
I personally stumbled over 'oratory', as this usage of the word was unfamiliar to me and the word seemed out of place. Having looked it up, though, the usage seems to be correct. For readability I'd consider using a less obscure term, such as 'sanctuary', but that's up to you.

“The EMBODIMENT of a body.”
This runs the risk of reading like a bad pun. Not sure how to fix that, though, and not sure if it's even a problem.

“We fashion and adorn and decorate the altars with gems and candles made from the waxy carcasses of our Skyrenders; [...]”
I'd personally consider using 'precious stones' rather than 'gems'. I'm also not sure if Dres should get their wax from Skyrenders, Skyrender hives or both, but either way works for me.

“Under the moons and beside the lakes we warden our possessions to farm the land; [...]”
That should probably read 'ward'.

“[...] but their hands will never touch the vestibules of our Ancestors.”
Who are 'they' in this case? I'd generally assume this should read 'but our hands', going by what preceded it.

“[...] unto the endless void of the sky!
Personally, I think this text would read better without exclamation marks, but that's subjective.

“[...] these macabre motifs, [...]”
I would suggest adding scare quotes to 'macabre motifs' to make it clear that the Dres themselves do not consider their ancestors' bones as something macabre.

You use a lot of semi-colons in this text. I’d consider changing some of them to full stops or commas to improve the flow of the text.

 

All in all the text is very solid, with my usual subjective nit-picks here and there.

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Templar Tribe
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Gnomey

Excellent text. It certainly gave me a few ideas.smiley

Thanks!

“Within each body is a temple, an oratory.”
I personally stumbled over 'oratory', as this usage of the word was unfamiliar to me and the word seemed out of place. Having looked it up, though, the usage seems to be correct. For readability I'd consider using a less obscure term, such as 'sanctuary', but that's up to you.

Perhaps, if it's really an issue I can change it.

“The EMBODIMENT of a body.”
This runs the risk of reading like a bad pun. Not sure how to fix that, though, and not sure if it's even a problem.

It's supposed to emphasize the ‘body’ part of embodiment. Maybe it didn't get executed as well as I had intended lol. I can change it if need be.

“We fashion and adorn and decorate the altars with gems and candles made from the waxy carcasses of our Skyrenders; [...]”
I'd personally consider using 'precious stones' rather than 'gems'. I'm also not sure if Dres should get their wax from Skyrenders, Skyrender hives or both, but either way works for me.

By gems I was thinking perhaps the fact that you can find rubies and emeralds and such left as offerings. Also the Skyrender wax idea was a stretch, however I really would like to see some new candles made for the Dres that play on this idea, that they use the wax of the Skyrender or of the hives, to  make candles and such.

“Under the moons and beside the lakes we warden our possessions to farm the land; [...]”
That should probably read 'ward'.

Warden their possessions meaning their slaves.

“[...] but their hands will never touch the vestibules of our Ancestors.”
Who are 'they' in this case? I'd generally assume this should read 'but our hands', going by what preceded it.

The slaves hands. The idea is that, while the Dres use slave labor for everything, the tasks of building or maintaining burials or temples is something only the Dres themselves would do, as the inferior slaves touching their holy sites would taint the purity of them. Again just a rough idea I had for Dres culture.

“[...] unto the endless void of the sky!
Personally, I think this text would read better without exclamation marks, but that's subjective.

I may just agree with you.

“[...] these macabre motifs, [...]”
I would suggest adding scare quotes to 'macabre motifs' to make it clear that the Dres themselves do not consider their ancestors' bones as something macabre.

Perhaps I will just remove/replace macbre all together.

You use a lot of semi-colons in this text. I’d consider changing some of them to full stops or commas to improve the flow of the text.

 

All in all the text is very solid, with my usual subjective nit-picks here and there.

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Very good text short and impregnant! I also like the idea with the wax as it’s obvious and fitting.

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Gnomey
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Oratory: it’s not a major issue either way, mostly just about the flow of the text. If people tend to stumble over it, it might be better to switch it out for better flow. It could be it’s just me, though.

Embodiment/body: Yeah, I feel that it might be a bit too blatant as-is, but as with a lot of the things I pointed out that’s very subjective.

Gems: this one is more about characterization, and is hard to explain and naturally also subjective; basically, the way I see it the Dunmer collect ornaments, which include bugshells, amber and precious gems. They do not value the ornaments so much for their monetary value, (though they do certainly assign them a monetary value), but rather attach a vaguely spiritual or sentimental value to them. As such, they do not heap expensive gems at the tombs of their ancestors, but rather precious stones brought forth from the soils of Morrowind.

Warden: a warden is someone who wards. The Dres ward their possessions, and as such in a sense they are wardens.

Their: ah, that makes sense. I suggest switching out ‘their hands’ for ‘our possessions’ to make that clearer.

Macabre motifs: I sort of like the phrase, but whatever you think works best.

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Kevaar
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