Quest starts at Arrille's Tradehouse in Seyda Neen
It's a short quest but I have plans to expand it if needed.
| Attachment | Size | Date |
|---|---|---|
 Showcase_and_learning.ESP | 9.82 KB | 2021-05-30 03:25 |
(Reply #1) Posted on Sun, 2021-05-30 03:25
Ferz's Quester Showcase
2021-04-23 03:52
2 months 2 weeks ago
New cleaned version (should be at least), Also contains new NPC names.
No scripting yet, Still need to learn how.
2021-04-23 03:52
2 months 2 weeks ago
Now contains second solution and scripting
2020-07-12 13:22
9 months 6 days ago
Reviewed! It's pretty good for a first try, but a lot of things need to be fixed.
-As a sidenote, The premise of the quest doesn't really make much sense.(If he really has a lot of gold, can't he just buy pants/get a house? If not, why does he give you a really valuable weapon?) It'd be really nice if the premise was somewhat serious, both in of itself and by making writing good dialogue easier. Maybe you could even make a quest in TR lands, and maybe it can be added in TR later.(The latter is not required, and will need some discussion about the premise to be added.)
-If you want to make a new quest, with a better premise/plot(which I'm in favor of), take the review as suggestions for it :).
-Also, it's kinda long, so feel free to ask if anything's not clear!
Review
General
-Names are still not that good. The kinda seem off. For one, Altmer don't use -cle sound at all. And Neargoth is just... Neargoth. K'Zahn is nice, though!
-Everything's clean now! (Maybe the house should be removed too since it isn't relevant to the quest, but that's fine for now.)
Dialogue
-Topics that don't need to be capitalised shouldn't be. If the 'Pants with Big Pockets' are a specific pair of pants(as it seems to be) "You! Yes you. I could use your help finding some Pants with Big Pockets." here 'some' should be 'the'.
-You need to add `Addtopic "Topic Name"` in the dialogue results for where a topic is first introduced. (The only greeting, in the case)
-The dialogue you have is way too mordern, and a bit off.
-For example, in "Because of my supreme intellect I've won myself a large amount of gold from... well you don't need to know. Anyways, I need somewhere to put it. Can't trust the banks since they're always finding ways to swindle you. What I need is a good pair of pants with some large pockets. I hear a gardener named Sorcle the Hoarder has some. He should be in town somewhere. Go get them by any means necessary."
-'Supreme intellect' is a very mordern phrace, and memey, for lack of a better word.
-"Can't trust the banks since they're always finding ways to swindle you." There are no banks in Vvardenfell, and currently only one in TR. So this phrase also sticks out as something someone would say today in this world, not someone in Morrowind.
-"I hear a gardener named Sorcle the Hoarder has some." this seems to imply that 'Pants with Big Pockets' isn't a specific pair of pants, so the name should be in lower case.
-For "WHAT ARE THESE!?...", All of the dialogue being in caps doesn't look that good, and should only be for very special occasions. Also, same applies for multiple punctuations (!?). It just looks ugly ingame.
-The whole dialogue reads like he is just showing off without actually having any money. If you meant to show that, kudos!
-Another example - "You want my pants? Of course you can have them. The Divines reward charity."
"The divines reward charity" sounds like something he would think, not say out loud. Plus, I doubt a Khajiit would say that. "%Name will be happy to help." sound a bit better imo.
-Similarly try to go through each dialogue, and see if it makes sense in the context around it, and it fits Morrowind's style of dialogue.
-Plus, there isn't really much dialogue. It'll be nice if neargoth had some greetings when the quest is active in line of "Have you brought the pants with big pockets?", and the other two had some more expressive dialogue. Not too expressive, but something less generic.
JOURNAL
-"A Bosmer named Neargoth has recently won a large amount of gold but has no where to put it. So he has asked me to get a pair of pants from an Altmer named Sorcle the Hoarder.", 'no where'->'nowhere'
Here, how does the player know it's Sorcle's an Altmer? They don't, so you shouldn't add it in the journal. In most cases, the journal shouldn't have what the PC shouldn't know.
-"Sorcle the Hoarder doesn't want to give away his pants. He told me to go bother someone named K'Zahn. Sounds like a Khajiit name. Maybe this K'Zahn will give me their pants." Same here, the player should notice that it's a Khajiit name not the journal. Alternatively, have the dialogue mention it too and change the journal a bit to make sense.
-"...Hopefully Neargoth will be happy." same here, hope you got the point. Go through the journals again, then playtest (with a fresh eye, ideally) to see how everything feels.
-"Sorcle the Hoarder is dead and his pants are mine." the journals is usually written in past tense, so 'Sorcle the Hoarder died I took his pants.' is better imo.
Even you wrote other journals in past tense. All of the journal entires should be consistent with each other.
Script(s)
-The journal should update after you take his pants, not when you kill him. ("His pants are mine" kinda leaves it ambiguous, but that should be changed too)
-Something a bit more complex scripting wise would be preferable for the showcase. Maybe give the quest a time limit(Say 2 days)? Or have something else interesting while getting the pants.
Playtesting
-The topic gets "removed" after you start the quest(i.e. the first journal update). Ideally you should have dialogue for every journal stage.
-There's no dialogue when you killed Sorcle but didn't get the pants/only have small pants.
-The quest gets short circuited if you kill Sorlce first.(Add a check for if the Jorunal is >0 in the script)
-Neargoth attacking you for wrong pants is too on the nose imo.
-A non-killing way to get the pants will benefit the quest a lot.
Take care!!
2021-04-23 03:52
2 months 2 weeks ago
Brand New Quest: Starts at the Ald Skar Inn in Ald Ruhn. Talk to the nord in the basement.
2021-04-23 03:52
2 months 2 weeks ago
New Version
2020-07-12 13:22
9 months 6 days ago
Reviewed! It's much better, but still needs some improvements. Take some time to playtest it to get a feel of how it feels ingame, dialogue in particular.
Review
General
-An entry in greeting 5 is dirty. There's also a journal with no entries, 00Nord_NordicHierloom.
-Did you edit anything about brara moravyn? If not, clean the npc field.
-Clean the locations you made/used for testing too.
-The Heriloom shouldn't have the name 'nordic heirloom'. A better name would be '(name)'s bow' with (name) being the name of the ancestor and it being referenced in dialogue.
Playtest
-There should be an option to refuse the quest.(Have a choice yes/no before properly starting it.)
-He should say that she lives in the council hall.(And the journal should reflect that.)
-Maybe there should be generic dialogue in the council hall poining to brara's quarters.
-There's nothing adding journal 30. It should be in the first brara dialogue from what I gather.
-You can have two heirlooms by stealing first, then talking to brara.(Add a script to the bow that changes the journal. Maybe have brara react to it in some way too.)
Dialogue
Greeting 5
-"Damn Redorans that's a family heirloom. They lock me up for trying to take back what is mine!", needs an addtopic in the results. Needs a comma after 'Redorans' and redorans should be 'The Redorans'. "Slimy hands" also feels a bit modern for morrowind.
-Needs a greeting or two after the first one ala "Did you get the heirloom?" and "Thanks for the heirloom"(with better phrasing, obviously)
Topic 'heirloom'
-The topic name should be a bit unique. Refer to creating a unique topic part in https://www.tamriel-rebuilt.org/content/guidelines-quests-and-dialogue .
-"My family has been disgraced for centuries. ..." typo 'sneaker'->'sneakier'. It's kinda weird that they've been disgraced for centuries over a bow, maybe change it to losing the pride of his family or something.
-"You've done me and my family a great service. Take this as thanks,..." 'as thanks'->'as my thanks' flows better.
-"I can't believe this! Fine keep it milk drinker. I'm going to make sure people hear about this." Milk drinker isn't an insult used anywhere in morrowind and add a comma after fine. Also, -3 rep is never really used anywhere. Better to just skip that.
-"You have the heirloom! Please give it to me." a comma after please makes it flow a bit better.
'Choice "Give him the heirloom." 1 "Keep the heirloom." 2' actions in choices need to have [].
-"That bow is a family heirloom? No wonder that nord tried stealing it. ..." 'I honestly sympathize but it belongs to me.' feels a bit odd. Removing Honestly and adding a comma after sympathize would probably fix it.
'Choice "I'll buy it" 1 "Not happening" 2' needs full stops after 'it' and 'happening'
Journal
-Not a big deal, but other journals don't use Mistress when refering to Brara Moravyn, so this shouldn't either. (Use Edit->Find text for where what is used)
-Index 10, 'aquire'->'acquire'
-Index 30, 'MIstress'->'Mistress'
-Index 40, "I have been able to retrieve the bow..." seems unnecessary. "I retrieved the bow from..." is cleaner.
-Index 80 has a space at the very start (' Hrismund'->'Hrismund')
Script(s)
-The script needs to be properly spaced out, with all the variables being declared on the top.
-The journal will occur on his death even if you haven't started the quest, which shouldn't happen.
Take care!!
2021-04-23 03:52
2 months 2 weeks ago
Updated, Let me know if I missed anything.
2020-07-12 13:22
9 months 6 days ago
Reviewed! There are a lot of improvements in the file, but you missed a couple of things.
Review
General:
-There are still a couple of dirty dialogue entries, "Have you been able to clear..." and "I don't get paid to..." and the greetings are not together.(The have some random dialogue between them.
Playtest:
-After you refuse a quest, ideally there should be a shorter version of the original request rather than the same thing.
-While requiring the player's item count to be 0 does kinda fix the problem, it doesn't completely. I could easily drop the bow somewhere on the other side of the map, and she'll act like she has it. Also, local scripts only work in the active cell, so the bow won't even get disabled if it's somewhere else. You need a script on the bow.
-"You better be proud..." doesn't land well. "Are you proud of what you did?" is a bit better, but tbh Id just make him hostile if you don't give it to him. He did try to steal it before, so one would assume he'd try to get it from you too.
-Use the name of the bow a bit more now that you added one. (One i found was the greeting, "Do you have my ancestor's bow?")
-It's not compulsary to do this, but it'd really benefit from having the bow's name be the topic. You can reference it in greetings more and it's less generic.
-Him repeating the same line after not giving him the heirloom first kinda feels like a bug, even though it might not be. Change the dialogue a little bit with the same choices.
Dialogue:
Topic nordic heirloom
-"Fine I suppose it was a waste of time to ask." nees a comma after 'fine'
-"My family has been disgraced for centuries..." Maybe you missed this the first time, but 'Disgraced for centuries' is an overreaction for an heirloom. If you didn't feel like it was an overreaction, feel free to talk about it in the discord.
-"You have the heirloom, Please give it to me." The comma needed to be after please, like "You have the heirloom! Please, give it to me." It's not strictly needed, but it makes the flow better.
-"That bow is a nordic heirloom? No wonder that nord tried stealing it. I sympathize but..." a comma after 'sympathize' will make it flow better. 'Though I'd be willing to sell it.'->'I'd be willing to sell it, though.'
Greeting 5
-"Damn The Redorans, that nordic heirloom belongs to me. They lock me up for trying to take back what is mine!" 'the' in 'the Redorans' shouldn't be capitalised, sorry for capitalising it in the previous review.
Journal
-"Brara Morvayn offered to sell me the Hierloom for 1,000 gold." heirloom shouldn't be capitalised
-"I have retieved the bow from Brara Morvayn." "retieved"->"retrieved"
Scripts:
-As said in the playtesting section, you need a script on the bow. How I'd go about it is that if the player ever picks it up, Brara will mention in the dialogue about it being gone, and maybe order the guards to attack the player if the player uses the topic while having it in their inventory.
Take care!!
2021-04-23 03:52
2 months 2 weeks ago
Updated
2014-03-16 17:45
2 years 3 weeks ago
NPC_ "brara morvayn" is still dirty
Race names use capital first letter ("Nord", "Dunmer")
you generally want choices that have to be clicked in dialogue to come after anything that creates new lines in the dialogue window (journal update, add/removed items, voice subtitles or messageboxes first, then choices after all that)
stealing the bow is detected by Journal 20, but journal becomes 30 when she offers to sell the bow. If you first get her offer, then steal the bow, you would get the journal update from 20 but the journal value would still stay 30 (only 'setjournalindex' can set a journal value to less than it is at, not the normal 'journal' function) so she would keep selling one. You probably just need to make the value when stealing higher than 30.
For future reference it's easier to have the lines with lowest journal value at the bottom especially when choices and variants get more complicated, but since all your conditions are for == specific journal values the way you've done it works well enough.
2021-04-23 03:52
2 months 2 weeks ago
Updated once again my good man.
2014-03-16 17:45
2 years 3 weeks ago
Just reposting the cleaning resource: https://www.tamriel-rebuilt.org/content/utility-tesame
(you may have missed a nord btw "that nord tried stealing it", but the journal part does look fixed)
2021-04-23 03:52
2 months 2 weeks ago
I'm back from hiatus. Should be cleaned.
2014-01-08 21:55
5 days 23 hours ago
- Typos / stylistical things in Dialogue / Journal entries
- Journal 5 needs "Finished" checked
- Journal 10 needs "Restart" checked
- the heirloom is quite cheap at 60 septims
- "00Nord_Bowsteal" script has a bug where each time the player picks it up, the Journal updates
- Brara Morvayn becoming permanently hostile if you steal the bow is quite a drastic outcome -- especially since she's an essential NPC. a simple disposition drop would be enough.
- I would give Hrismund Bear-Bitten (excellent name, btw) NoLore variable, since he's an outlander and shouldn't have a lot to say about local affairs in Ald-ruhn
- As it stands the quest is quite simple; I would add a little twist to make it a little more complex and rememberable. Maybe Brara Morvayn could ask the player to get rid of the troublesome Nord? Maybe the player could be able to persuade Morvayn to give the bow to them for free?