This showcase is based on the claim found here. (With permission to change the ridiculous name) www.tamriel-rebuilt.org/claims/sneaky-teenagers
(Reply #1) Posted on Fri, 2021-05-21 17:28
This showcase is based on the claim found here. (With permission to change the ridiculous name) www.tamriel-rebuilt.org/claims/sneaky-teenagers
2021-02-06 12:11
1 day 21 hours ago
Updated version using the fixed sectionfile. Also some edits to fix edge cases.
ₒₕ, bₒₒ𝒹?
2020-07-12 13:22
8 months 3 weeks ago
Really nice implementation in some places, but feels just a little bit rushed. I feel like giving everything a bit more time will make everything much better. It's a bit long, but a lot of it is just script and stuff. Oh and feel free to ask if you have any questions :D.
Review
Playtest
-Savrethi nuisance doesn't flow well as a topic, specially in sentences. You can just use his name tbh, or maybe no proper nouns at all, just something unique enough.
-If you drink the potion directly after taking on the quest, then talk to the questgiver then to the wise woman, the reply she gives is: "As I said before, you will need evidence..."
-I suggest you not make the options not this obvious in the journal. It feels kinda railroady. Generally, the journal should not say what the player didn't think of.(Not a hard and fast rule, but a good filter)
-The journal should prolly have a bit more detailed directions to the source.
-The script for the source isn't working, more info in the scripts section.(Atleast in OpenMW)
Dialogue
I like the tone you go for a lot!
-Generic dialogue(not for a particular id) should generally have a NoLore filter. (Sometimes, like with slaves, you may have to skip that because almost all of them have nolore.
-For slaves you might have to take into account Khajiit, which might benefit from their style for speech.
Topic Mandaras Savrethi
-"The Hlaalu are rarely respectful of our customs, but that man is more fool than most.", fool->foolish
-"...I hear his crops are struggling as of late. How fortunate." same as above for the earlier thing, also I don't think the crops will struggle as fast. The sentence also feels a bit off.
-"Excellent! Here, take this poision to the source. ..."
Topic Savrethi Nuisance
-As said before, this topic will be better merged to Mandaras Savrethi or at the very least have it's name changed.
-"I see, I hope that you will see sense and reconsider..." Full stop after see.
-"Hush now, not so loud. The tribe is thankful for your actions, thought they cannot know it." thought->though
-"His accursed distillery saps the water that is ours by right and his farming disrupts the ..." gluttony and subterfuge feels a little too mordern, specially for ashlanders. Also, this is a little too overdramatic imo. The ashlanders care more about ancestor worship and traditions rather than opposing immoral acts like Gluttony and greed, if that makes sense. Even if this is just supposed to be his own ideas, it'll be better toned down a bit.
-"Choice "Yes" 1 "No" 2" needs full stop after Yes and No
Greeting 5
-"Welcome to our tribe, Outlander. Be courteous and act with respect and you shall be welcomed. Unlike that Savrethi nuisance." Outlander shouldnt be capitalised.
Journal
-The name should be "TR_m4_Ob_name" because the quest is started in Obainat camp.
-Journal indices 45 and 200 should have finished checked, while 35 shouldn't.(35 should allow persuing other things, I might even say that it doesn't require a journal, it's more of flavor dialogue.)
-I haven't seen indices as big as 1000 used, but it's not really an issue, just kinda unusual.
(Other couple things in Playtest section)
Scripts
-The scripts should not have the same name as the object, can lead to some errors iirc. Just use _sc/_scr in the end.
-The script name should generally be TR_m4_q_PW_name (_q is optional, and PW is a shorthand for your quest) (ideally even the object ID will be good this way, but not required)
-if (menumode == 1)
set pcskipequip to 1
if (onpcequip == 1)
startscript, tr_m4_poisonhelper
if (getjournalindex "tr_m4_poisoning_the_well" != 0)
if (getjournalindex "tr_m4_poisoning_the_well" < 40)
journal "tr_m4_poisoning_the_well" 40
set tr_m4_hibdun_drank to 1
endif
endif
endif
endif
is better indented as
if (menumode == 1)
set pcskipequip to 1
if (onpcequip == 1)
startscript, tr_m4_poisonhelper
if (getjournalindex "tr_m4_poisoning_the_well" != 0)
if (getjournalindex "tr_m4_poisoning_the_well" < 40)
journal "tr_m4_poisoning_the_well" 40
set tr_m4_hibdun_drank to 1
endif
endif
endif
endif
(counting if-endif is easier)
-The spacing needs to be consistent. Eg ( MenuMode == 1 ) has spaces next to brackets, but (doonce == 1) does not. The latter and the others should have one. Also, seperating different blocks by a line makes it more readable.
-player->removeitem "tr_m4_hibdun_poison" 1) has extra ) at the end in TR_m4_savrethi_source. (one of the these two fix the issue.)
-You don't need to have three different blocks for the if ( DoOnce == 0 )...
if ( doonce == 0 )
If ( getjournalindex "tr_m4_poisoning_the_well" >= 20 )
If ( getjournalindex "tr_m4_poisoning_the_well" <= 35 )
if ( player->GetItemCount, "tr_m4_hibdun_poison" == 1 )
If ( GetDistance, Player <= 512 )
set boxactive to 1
set doonce to 1
endif
endif
endif
endif
endif
-Also, the above blocks had an extra endif.
-'short helperhelper' is moot in TR_m4_Poisonhelper
-"short potCheck" is moot in TR_m4_Savrthi_Source.
-TR_m4_Poisonhelper has an extra endif.
Take care!!
2021-02-06 12:11
1 day 21 hours ago
Made all those changes. Also de-spaghettified a lot of the dialogue which made a few globals redundant.
ₒₕ, bₒₒ𝒹?
2020-07-12 13:22
8 months 3 weeks ago
I really like the dialogue and the scripts are almost perfect :). This should be the last pass, hopefully.
Review
Take care!!
2021-02-06 12:11
1 day 21 hours ago
Minor tweaks made, will add the requested merge notes to the original claim post
ₒₕ, bₒₒ𝒹?
2020-07-12 13:22
8 months 3 weeks ago
Probably the last pass, since there's only some minor dialogue stuff left. I've been a lot more nitpicky with the dialogue, because everything else seems great to me!
Review
Take care!!
2021-02-06 12:11
1 day 21 hours ago
Edits made
ₒₕ, bₒₒ𝒹?
2020-07-12 13:22
8 months 3 weeks ago
Recommending for Promotion. Some small things could still be improved, but I'll do that while reviewing the claim. Great improvement overall.
Review
-"...mentioned that he has plans to poison the water that supplies the plantation. ..." and "...poison the water that is supplying Mandaras Savrethi's distillery..." the 'water' is being supplied, not supplying, if that makes sense. I'm not even sure supply is the right word to use here
-"... It is a simple request, but one that has proven far too difficult for Mandaras Savrethi to grasp." add 'people like' before 'Mandaras'
-Really small thing to keep in mind, for scripts and stuff capitalising TR everywhere in 'TR_m4_...' is more uniform.
-Add full stop to the choices in "His accursed distillery saps the water that is ours by right and ..." non nerevarine version.
-Due to how the cells are divided, the slaves don't have any dialogue.(Cause they aren't in the cell.)
-I wonder if having the pond as the place to poison it will be better. Not for the showcase, but a thing to think about.
-Removing some of the dialogue in the Mandaras plantation will make it better imo.
-"... The rest is spent keeping those bothersome Ashlanders away." change dialogue
-"Hibdun Senatmiran was delighted that I completed the task for him and rewarded me with several potions from his collection." collection feels kinda off for this.
Take care!!
2014-03-16 17:45
2 years 1 week ago
Promoted to Quest dev. Congrats!