Hi Logan,

Thanks for the showcase! This is a great start. You mentioned being a total beginner with the CS before making this and I can see you're coming to grips with it. You've clearly understood filters and dialogue management, which is the foundation of questing. Your writing style is also very natural and evocative, while remaining concise. You figured out a good way to convey the emotional core of the quest, with Sadryn repeating his children's names.

The quest does need some work, however.

First up, I'm going to link the style guide in case you haven't seen it.

Next, it needs a structural change. Morrowind quests work better with one or two core topics. Your quest has a core topic - eccentric old man - that only shows up about halfway through. It also has a couple of other topics about letters and rings and letters and it's confusing. My request, cut it down to one topic: letter to Sadryn. Use the book script at https://www.tamriel-rebuilt.org/content/script-library to give the player the topic. Then when they try to talk to someone about it, they should get the question "Are you delivering a letter?" Which is the player's opportunity to accept or delay the quest. You should also cut the ring from the corpse. Save it as the final reward.

You shouldn't be using the someone in particular topic for this quest.

You can cut the friend who is looking for Saveri. It dilutes the emotional payoff of the quest. As the claim says, the player should simply ask around Hlan Oek for directions. Nobody needs to have seen him particularly. A line like "I don't know anyone called Sadryn, but if he was a pilgrim, he was most likely on his way to Almas Thirr." is enough to prod players to go and ask there. Asking the pilgrims on the road is nice, but the directions part doesn't need the additional dialogue challenges and stuff -- again, they dilute the final part of the quest. Instead you can have them give little bits of more information the closer to Almas Thirr the player gets, to reward information gathering. Maybe even a clue about the final choice in the quest, if Sadryn briefly mistook the pilgrim at the Gourd Harp for one of his children.

Note that you filtered the Ordinator dialogue to just the static Ordinators. There aren't a lot of those in the exterior. You probably want to filter it to the moving Ordinators as well.

The final dialogue with Sadryn shouldn't happen in greetings. Instead it should happen using the main topic. I think it would be neat as well if Saveri was name-dropped in the letter, and then you get two [Lie] options: "It's me, Saveri, your daughter" and "It's me, Saleri, your daughter" to challenge less observant players. Honest players should get a gold reward. 250 is tuned a little high, I would got with 100. Successfully deceptive players should get 100 and also Sadryn's ring.

Sadryn's stash in Indal-Ruhn is a bit of fridge logic. Why did he stash some junk here? When did he find the time? Why is it in this little chest? Just cut the chest. If you're concerned about players looting his corpse for all the rewards, don't kill him. Just have him disappear after the player leaves the Infirmary and when you speak to the healers have them inform that Sadryn died and his remains were sent on to Necrom.

It would be cool if you could get Sadryn lying on the bed. It's a bit of scripting to achieve, but luckily there's an example in the Almas Thirr NPCing claim which you can download here https://www.tamriel-rebuilt.org/claims/almas-thirr-redo-npcing-and-gener... to take a look.

You might also want to take a look at TR_m7_Uls Herano. You'll notice there's two of him. That's because you can't actually talk to characters with 0 fatigue, so you need to set up a double and divert the talking to them. If you can figure out this, plus the book script, plus having Saveri disappear (using disable, just as you did with the chest), the scripting requirements will be well and truly passed.

Style-wise, I noticed a few spelling mistakes. I won't go into them in detail now because the quest needs to be restructured first. But please go over all your dialogue to make sure it's accurate. Also you used two hyphens correctly, but incorrectly didn't put any spaces outside them. The correct usage is like -- that.

Your journal entries, especially the later ones about Sadryn, are too descriptive. Journal entries should be neutral.

Your latest rumour didn't work because you put it in the wrong place. It should go with the other latest rumours for Hlan Oek. See if you can figure out how the latest rumours are randomised based on what's in the dialogue window.

That's it for now. I know that's a lot of notes and a big change, but take confidence in the fact that you made a great start. Your writing especially is very enjoyable to read, and I'll be very happy to welcome you onto the team once you get the structural stuff sorted.