- I don't like the fact that you just know that your gold is gone. It would be better if the journal just said that you saw something unusual for a sec while you were sleeping in cat-catchers, and you have to actually investigate what happened.(This way, you should even have more gold be stolen if the player doesn't follow the lead and just ignores it)
- Continuing from the first point, a dialogue chain where you have to find it out where the stealer is, and making the location less overt might be better. Might want to change the topic name to something like "something unusual." or "sleeping in the Dancing Jug" too.
- All script, global and object names should have TR_m4_q_AABIdname/ TR_m4_q_AAB_Idname as their id. (your choice between the two)
- Topic "robbed while sleeping", for journal 15, "I've said all I know." might not make sense, since the player might be asking that to someone else. 
- "You should have taken the hit and gone home, outlander." seems too boastful for a low level thief. If that's the character you were looking for, that's cool, but her first denying the robbery, then the player having the choice to either convince her to give the gold back, or just fight her might make for a better character.
- "... I suggest you go fetch a guard." kinda implies that there is an interaction with the guard. If you want to go that path, even just a denial to help from guards would be better.
-Iron key might be better named as Llavali's key just so the player can remember where the key was from.
- Might be a good idea to add some other bit of loot to the chest too, as a reward for the player ( mildly expensive trinkets with a total value < 100 gold, maybe.)
-You'll need to add SetFight 100 along with startcombat player ( since just the latter will stop the fight if the player saves and loads)
-The file isn't clean, check TESAME to clean it. ( basically remove any references you didn't touch.

-The journal Name was right for you, I only meant it for the other things, sorry if it didn't come across properly. Quest journal name should be TR_m4_And_AwokeAndBroke.
-The guards tell you that "you say a dunmer woman..." when nothing about the dunmer woman is said before that. (since you can skip journal 10 and go straight to 15)
-Llavali doesn't talk admit it even when you loot the chest unless you talked to the guard first. Some convincing should make her admit it, atleast.
-The 'hope you choke on it' part doesn't make much sense to me, since she offers it in the first place.
-Currently, she will still give you 500 gold even if you took the gold from the chest first.
-You should remove 750 gold from the chest, not 250, if you wanna imply everything was gone. I don't think removing extra stuff from a chest is a problem anyway. It is a problem if you did it for the player, but not for the chest.
-The journal updates to 40 everytime you open it whenn the global is at 3. You should change the global to 4 after the journal updates.
-A few more greetings for Llavali, just to flesh her character out a bit more might be nice. (One for when you first meet after getting robbed, one more for the deal succesful)
-All quest related greetings should be in Greeting 5 (there should be a placeholder, BEGIN MAP 4 ANDOTHREN Greetings. You need to write after that), and forcegreetings/greetings important enough to precede disease and vampirism greetings. should be in Greeting 1 (In Greeting 1, place the dialogue near the ones simlar to you, so nearby m4 dialogue.), so you'll need to move the greeting. More info here: https://www.tamriel-rebuilt.org/content/guidelines-quests-and-dialogue . 
-Some cells are dirty, the only touched cell should be the Andothren one for now, you need to clean the others.
-You dirtied the dialogue above and below the greeting you placed. That needs to be cleaned too.
-There is one dialogue entry in the journal somehow.
-It might be fine here, because it only checks on Sleep, but GetDeadCount is usually performance intesive. So what I would suggest doing in the future is updating a global OnDeath and using that. (Globals are not performance intensive, so you can use them within reason.) Oh, and OnDeath only works in one script at a time, so you can't use OnDeath on both.
-LavaliScript needs to have TR_Map Variable(all NPCs need that), and maybe NoLore. Check the T_ScNPC_MW_Map4NoLore script for how to use it.
-For lavaliscript, the journal will update when you kill her even if the quest didn't start. We don't want that, so a check for if the quest started is a good idea (also remember, if you are going to use a global as I suggested, update the global independant of the check)
-The check for the key when the chest is unlocked is redundant, because you're doing the same things on both checks.
-You shouldn't check for each id seperately, you should check for the guard class. If you want some of them to have a unique dialouge, put the ID you want the unique dialogue on above the general guard class, so it'll trigger first. And you don't need to filter for both Andothren, The dancing cup and Andothren since the latter covers the former. ( In general, "abc, xyz" will be included in the filter for cell "abc")
-Also, only a few of them check for the journal index. If you want a catch all response, filter for the global you used to not be equal to 0. Otherwise, always have journal checks, don't ever rely on player not knowing the topic beforehand, since another mod might interfere/some dialogue might randomly say that sequence of words.
-You shouldn't check for Andothren, The dancing cup for Llavali, since she's going to move and it'd break things. Just remove that filter. ( In general, you shouldn't filter dialogue for a cell if you filter for a unique ID anyway, unless they are going to move.( guards are an exception, since multiple of them use the same id))
-I don't quite like the topic name "lighter bags", since this makes the player thing about the weight of all the gold, and kinda ruins the immersion. I wouldn't really hold this up for a promotion, but a better one will be nice for the actual claim.
-Use Editor_Marker.nif for the activator. It'll turn it invisible.
-You can remove all the elseif's for the activate, and just have the activate after the check. Like so:

if ( OnActivate )
    if ( GetLocked )
        if ( VarName == 1 )
            do x
        elseif ( VarName == 2 )
            do y
        endif

        Activate
    .
    .
    .
    endif
endif